Getting food. Want anything?
Vagina. Double meat no buns. I have the secret sauce
i wanted to go smoke pot, so i told my mom i was getting tutored. she asked what time i would be back, i told her learning doesn't have a curfew
My mom's mothers day present consisted of a card, chocolate and the rose bush I threw up in as I was getting in last night. She loved it.
Yea idk it was like early in the morning and you were walking around with no shoes carrying a printer
Used a cardboard box as a pillow and a towel as a blanket. Its like the great depression over here
Plans for halloween need to outrank Caesar, Cleopatra and Mark Antony's threesome...just saying
Yeah, clearly. And then we can float around my room on Christmas themed inner tubes. And drink, I guess.
Pizza toast. It's like pizza but on toast. BC we are broke. OMG its so good.
You would never do this sober.
Woke up this morning with my period. Saw a commercial for the beginning of Shark Week. I see what you did there, Mother Nature. My pad's off to you.
You wanted to thank my penis. You wanted me to take the condom off so you could touch it and thank it.
I like to think it's an accomplishment that I can relate my life to a T-pain song
What kind of scumbag goes to a baby's 1st birthday party with a black eye? This kind. Me. I'm disgraceful.
I also woke up on my floor. Naked. On a pile of clothes. With my head in the trash can. And a sheet over me.
It may not have seemed like it to you, but I was very sad that I was cheating on my GF with you. I was crying on the INSIDE.
I resent the implication of a jizz addiction
Randomize
