I'm drunk in f*****g wisconsin and want to kill myself.
If it's any consolation, be grateful that you're not in New Jersey.
Memory from last night that just came back: me forcibly jacking him off while he yelled I DONT LIKE HANDJOBS I DONT LIKE HANDJOBS
Well its official I'm an idiot. I made out hardcore with an employee last night in our banquet room. Oh and got wasted at work. Oh and showed my staff squirrel on a trampoline.
Tonight's Real World episode reinforced the well-known fact that men of any caliber can hook up with girls named "Crystal"
Dude this breakup has officially hit rock bottom. sitting around watching women's NCAA basketball instead of going out
I can't bring an entire liter in the bar in my purse. I mean I can. I might. I'm probably gonna.
In my defense, I haven't stolen anyone's clothes yet.
Yeah, that's a plus.
I think my penis runs off weed. I haven't smoked it 3 days and I have no sex drive what so ever
Our conversation concluded a weekly schedule of casual sex in between classes.
She rode my dick so hard I momentarily lost hearing. I guarantee I had the better St Patrick's.
How many Wendy's frosties do you think it would take to fill a bathtub?
Do you think you can chase a shot with chicken soup?
How do I figure out the name of this sleeping naked guy in my bed?
This is why you arnt allowed in pet stores
I love millennial parents. One of the moms at the daycare center literally told me she and her husband named two of her kids after batman characters and one after game of thrones
Randomize
