I just got sparklers from my secret santa. Drunken sledding just got to a whole new level of dangerous
once you started introducing yourself as "running-bear" i knew you were beyond fucked up
He used his one phone call to tell me not to let anyone drink all his vodka until he could bail himself out.
Prepare for tons of dick. I mean dick by the bucket loads. Waterfalls if cock.
she asked him to cuddle cuz she was cold and instead he got up, moved the space heater to her side of the bed, and went back to sleep
I peed on his girlfriend's loofah during our post-sex shower.
You told me that they girl who was giving you a handjob under the table looked a little like your sister
Or I could hide in your trunk so you can sneak out of putt putt for sex breaks
Threw up in hyvee parking lot. Thanksgiving shopping complete.
I'm currently deliberating if I'm going to be too drunk on New Years to handle wearing false eyelashes.
That's really the only reason I'm dating you, the prospect that I might get bacon
I dropped a piece of Mac and cheese in the shower and I almost still ate it. Stoned, but not stoned enough to degrade myself.
I cannot pick him out of a line up. I remember he is blonde and his half flaccid dick looks like gonzo. So unless he pulls down his pants I don't know who he is
I just fanned myself with my wet toothbrush to dry my mascara. Wtf
He said they were his favorite shoes.. So I threw one down the sewer. Now he'll keep searching the house for the other one. Sweet silent revenge.
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