I am slurping my drink like I am going to the electric chair
Nah got too drunk to function...probably could have dragged something home over my shoulder if the cops didn't roll
i told him im from Canada, abortion is free
So I had a Liz Lemon moment today....went to Chipotle to get my "cheer me up" burrito bowl for the 4th time this week and the chipotle guy sighed and said always the same huh?
I knew we should have skipped class earlier, my lab partner is drunk from last night and making up his own experiments.
She never called back. Financed a fleshlight.
Received world's greatest BJ while in a planetarium. Was seeing stars while seeing stars.
We asked "Is that Andy puking in the bushes, its 7 AM" he looks up and goes "It's okay guys, its 7:30"
Nah I'm perfectly content solely banging the married bartender once a week.
That's practically a relationship for you
the parade is in 5 days. put your big boy pants on and come to beer training. time to build your tolerance. i can't have you passing out in a bush with a cape on again this year.
The security deposit's gone, let's trash this motherfucker
Whenever you're sad about your life, just remember that I'm on a first name basis with the late night taco bell drive-thru workers.
just so you know.. snorkeling hungover: great decision. I was throwing up and he couldn't even tell!
I've had pants off for 3 hours now. America.
Got pulled over today for going 90 in a 40 zone with my leg out of the window. Still got out of the ticket. I'm getting way too good at this. Wanna trade bodies so we can see if it's my boobs or my charm?
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