I'm surrounded by 3 year olds in tutus. They are far too innocent to be within at least 500 ft of me.
This could be one of the worst things i've done... The background of her phone is her and her boyfriend.
The taxi driver was cool until you left. He then started blasting enya and telling me I look like I need another line.
I had to ask him for the scissors while I was in the shower. My hood piercing was stuck in my loofah.
do you remember the combo for the lock to my pants?
He literally said to me "go ahead and answer that text message while I eat you out"... Maybe I AM the relationship type...
Complete silence. Background Willy Wonka music. An empty back of Lay's BBQ chips. These are the ingredients for an extreme acid trip.
If taco bell and midol can't fix her, she's in gods hands now.
I want you inside of me and on top of me and under me and behind me
Basically I need you to be like god, just fucking everywhere
Curdled. you forgot that word. It was a curdled buttery nipple shot.
He's on the floor in just a Burberry tie. All my girl parts just tapped out.
yyyea i think im gonna go get a bowl and play skyrim. And by bowl i mean something i can throw up in, not weed
he just sent me a dick pic, it highly resembled a cheese stick
Just had to stop myself from doing a bump on the Disney bus. The struggle is real.
i dont think sending her flowers will make her forgive you running over her foot.
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