my "about me" section on Facebook should read "hell-bound alcoholic who wants to fuck a 40-year-old crackhead"
gettin pulled by a cop with a camera crew. gonna flee. want my 15 min of fame on cops.
my brother is a facebook fan of two things: God, and Rhianna. if he's not a prime example of the rare "baptist closeted gay," i don't know who is.
So dude, she and I just got done having the most amazing sex, and then she rolled over and said that "lets make some tacos" and proceeded to the kitchen... naked... I'm buying the ring tomorrow
Even the French judge on the olympics would give that a 10
I want to punch and suck your dick at the same time. I don't think we have the healthiest of relationships.
I chugged a beer while I was riding him and he told me it was the sexiest thing he has ever seen. this guy knows class when he sees it.
Its only 9:11 and I just somersaulted through a window. Its gonna be a good night
He wanted to have sex in a church because he has keys to it from court-ordered community service. WHAT IS STANDARDS?
Did you hear about Miss Teen Delaware? From the snippet they played on the radio, I knew exactly what porn company it was from. Maybe I should cut back
I like her. She smells like old lady but tastes like whiskey
My hands are stained pink. I look like I fisted a muppet.
You know you had a good time when you get the wheelchair treatment in Mexico back to your cruise.
She's sent me the same nudes using the same gestures and positions... It's like she has a template for her sluty-ness
Saddle up bitches, we're going to an orgy.
Newest quarantine problem - I’ve watched all of the porn. Like everything on the the internet, all the DVDs, mags, VR, leisure suit Larry all of it and I’m still horny af
Randomize
