batman just walked across the sidewalk
lay off the drugs
no for real he was wearing a cape
i just keep taking vicodin and supergluing random shit
In case you were wondering, my scare crow is wearing your outfit from last night.
Mark my words im gonna be the drunkest groomsman outta spite for him having his wedding on a gameday
I have an odd instinct I wont find my underwear tonight
They evidently had to pull his penis out of me while we were passed out on the floor.
I'm having flashbacks from last night. Did I admit to pausing Whitney's funeral because I was watching porn? I believe I did.
Two words that describe last night: naked and backflips.
I totally left my shirt at your house. Also I think I high fived your cactus last night
Im at that shitty point in my day where I start planning night activities while finger dipping vyvance off of my desk, you got any plans?
Cutting up lines with the edge of my birth control packet. Just reminding you this is the person you've CHOSEN to be monogamous with.
Clearly you've confused me for someone who has their shit together, and honestly I have no idea how you did that.
THIS IS AN AMERICAN HORROR STORY I CAN'T FIND MY VIBRATOR ANYWHERE WHICH MEANS I LOST IT WHEN I MOVED WHICH MEANS MY POOR VIBRATOR IS OUT THERE IN THE WORLD ALL ALONE RIGHT NOW WHAT AM I GOING TO DO
I'm shaking a cocktail while in bed. Is that bad?
he is sitting in the driveway by himself laughing at nothing, idk what to do
Randomize
