if she shaves her mustache, i'll let her give me head
I hate when people I sell to add me on Facebook. I'm your dealer, not your friend, C'mon people.
i'm pretty sure i lost all sex appeal when he caught me peeing in his bushes
i got shots of sambuca dumped on my head last night. my bag still smells like licorice. making me nauseous.
it is a nice little reminder of the bruins dominance. if Vancouver had won, it would somehow smell of maple syrup.
... Already stepped in vomit and got a dirty look from a fat in a neck brace
If you really wanted to hide the fact you were gay, you could have at least had the sense to not get drunk in the same bar as your bf.
I'd like to be surprised that there's a picture of someone pouring champagne in my boobs on Instagram, but I can't.
So I'm thinking that so long as I have this piercing, I'm going to get tested for explosives at the airport
I don't know but this 12 year old kid is soaking up all of our bad morals like a super tampon on the second day of my period
The cops came, and I made friends with him. He wants me to babysit his kids.
she keeps a switchblade in her panty drawer... i am both terrified and slightly turned on
The zoom feature on snap chat videos is the worst thing to ever happen to sexting
Don't mention it
Just endorse me for cunnilingus on LinkedIn
I just gotta say that I feel so much better now that I got some. I mean I feel like a normal functioning adult ready to contribute to society.
Did I tell you about my dream that I got handed a $100 and my vagina dissolved it? I think it wants me to not be a whore anymore.
Randomize
