did he really ask u insert a warm banna in ur anal?
it was great that she threw up because that made me the only one trying to hook up with her
I just sneezed alcohol in a candle and started a fire.
I thought that u needed a break due the fact that your nipples were bleeding
Ok, was I really fucked up or was there a chick from Norway in the ice cream shop teaching us Norwegian last night?
google maps should a have a setting for this. like I AM ABANDONING EVERYTHING TO MEET A GIRL WHO IS 10 HOURS OF MILES AWAY. HOW DO WE DO THIS OPTIMALLY?
Totally shot down my boss for sex today. Approaching this weekend with a clear conscience and an untouched vagina.
Dude get here. I just re-invented nachos. For real though. They werent real before right now
Watching the blind side bc I need a good cry to make sure I'm still human after this weekend's questionable life choices
how I know last night was a good night: this morning I found a bottle of tapatio, a bag of chicken and a bag of popcorn in my purse.
I left the office with a vacuum, 2 condoms and 300 dollars cash money. Tell me I don't have the most versatile job on the planet.
He could only go see Deadpool without his girl if he was black-out drunk... because spoilers. They're the perfect couple.
He climbed over 2 rows of the cab and told some random girl we were riding with that he would be in the back seat if she wanted to have sex
He tried to eat me out...through my pants.
How was I supposed to know the accent was fake before i slept with him
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