im guessing your the one that tried to make bacon in the toaster
And now that i don't feel so bad because you're not pregnant the $15 for the pregnancy test I bought would be appreciated
both the worst and best vomit ever... it was extra chunky and thick cause of the sausage... but it also tasted like delicious sausage... also cause of the sausage
i'm about to say screw it and get drunk in the hotel by myself
It's 2 pm, at least sit by the pool...
Just a smidgen more estrogen and shed be golden
She's got a legit dose of dude going on
No kidding. All she needs is a cheek full of chewing tobacco and I'd have fucked John wayne.
WHY DO SO MANY HOBOS THINK I'M CUTE.
He is now tagging himself in my pics from last year where he is barely visable in the corner. i feel like he's marking his territory.
I really care about you, but im still gonna have to make you pay for dinner from the pain and suffering in my knees and vagina.
After he finished he sang his college fight song like it was some victory
They have a house rule that you get a composite for every 5 guys you sleep with. Where should I hang my new one?
I want an apology pizza with SORRY IM A DOUCHE spelled out on it in pepperoni
I was so close to going to get my nipples pierced with my mom today
Yeah like stabbing myself through the eye with a coffee stir and bleeding out all over the office rug
Just watched someone fail a field sobriety test. Miserably. At 4:50p. I think it's my future husband
God bless him
-367$ and a torn scrotum.. Panama wins
Randomize
