I had to get a ride home from that girl that slept with 3/4 of the band
I wana party with Kermit the frog, no wait. Fozzy the bear. He's probably a silly bitch when he's drunk.
until you tell me otherwise ill assume we're playing "cavity search" the homeland security game to spice up our sex life
I just found the gloves and lightbulb I stole. Did you pee on a ATM inside a bank?
If he tries to stick his thumb up my butt again im going to rip his dick off with my vagina
I told you those kegels would come in handy one day
I was going through my mom's stuff to find her xanax, and I found her vibrators instead. Plural. That is like the opposite of what I wanted.
Strip mythology. Everyone wins. Most of all me.
wrestling a boy for fruit? sounds suspiciously like foreplay...
I bet Billy Ray Cyrus wishes he had pulled out now....
We hooked up with 2 friends last night as always and she stole their fucking cocaine and I just had to drive to their house and make her give it back to him hahshshahahah only me
I tried to flirt with him by saying "catholics are cool" and he handed me a cup of water so i called him jesus and thanked him for the wine
Honestly I really just want to do you in the mail truck. Thought about it a lot today
She was giving me head, and a cop pulled up next to us. I freaked when he looked over at me, but so did he and rear ended the car in front of him.
Also fuck yeah conspiracy
don't think less of me for this, but i'm pretty sure he did a line off my boob last night.
Randomize