Dude, I was completely sober last night, didn't puke on my shoes, went home with an incredibly beautiful girl, wore a condom, and didn't wake up in a puddle of urine this morning.
hah, sarcasm, classic
I was high as a kite when I got pulled over by a cop and he asked me for my ID and if I had been smoking weed, I said no and gave him my debit card.
So there's 10 guys in this picture..I've made out with 5 of them. does this make me a slut?
eh 50% isn't bad..i'd say 80% is slut material.
I woke up to my dog trying to clean my vagina.
You could give me a blowjob later? :)
I meant do something romantic..
Blowjob In the moonlight?
Were playing bathroom attendees at the party and making people wash their hands
i made a dollar
We just set the fire alarm off with a fog machine. What's my first instinct? Finish my drink. I think I handled that correctly.
I got a blowjob dressed with a t shirt sweatpants and a Fanny pack. Not kidding.
The extent of "getting it in" was this creepy guy sticking his finger in my bellybutton
Spotted: shirtless guy wearing cut-off hot shorts, 1 cowboy boot and a sombrero puking in a bush while his friend yelled 'stop being a bitch" from the sidewalk'. Happy 4th of July 'merica!
maybe if I avoid him long enough we could skip the talking part of "we need to talk"
Dude, please tell me you know why there's a naked chick asleep outside my room.
Is it a problem if I'm trying to condition Goodbye Horses to trigger an erection?
If you get banged by this bartender you know you can't be mad at me right? Its the rules.
Is there a number of dicks a girl can have in a weekend before it becomes unacceptable? Asking for a friend
Remember! It’sa long weekend and a holiday weekend and it’s America’s birthday! So don’t short change me!
I thought you were asking for a friend
Randomize
