There are thorn wounds on my balls, don't ever question my dedication to party again
no you're not listening to me HE WANTED TO BRAID MY HAIR
She told me I reminded her of the fair. And she wanted to deep fry my dick and eat it.
when I woke up I found a half-eaten cherry toaster strudel sandwich with bacon in the middle.
the party we were at had security guards carrying paintball guns. that probably should have been the first sign
Text me if you also stopped reading harry potter in the 4th grade and wanna go to the bars tonight instead of the midnight premiere
I drunk dialed my ex-boyfriend last night. He was sitting next to my new boyfriend. Shoot me in the face.
I dont even think your gonna like what I got you for christmas. If not we can take it back and get drugs.
My ideal friend would be my dog as a drug dealer
I just want to eat and sleep til I'm dead. I should've been born a cat.
You know you're a fat kid when you've spent half the day having a twitter conversation with Pizza Hut.
Although a guy bought me a shot of fireball last wknd and I told him he wouldn't even get half a handjob for that and walked away so don't tell me I don't have standards
Please keep in mind you are asking relationship advice from a girl who fucked a guy just because we have the same name. Just keep that in mind.
The hot streak continues..if life was NBA jams i would be "on fire" right now
Why do we always have to be the people who get blamed for animal intoxication incidents?
Randomize
