An accidental pregnancy to a guy with a trustfund is no mistake. It is a gift from god.
im wtih 32a right now bc 34d is on her period. now i know how girls feel when their hookups go from magnums to regulars
hr gave me pretxwk salad and a doubke shot of grey goose. i approve! tou guys are a beautidil couple.
Well apparently I'm no fun since I won't have a threesome with him and my mother.
I feel like I just rode a horse, did a million jumping jacks, ran a marathon and need a carton on cigarettes. best sex hands down... EVER
I just used cruise control in a 25 zone. When will this hangover end???
Definitely sounds like it's time for some eggs with a side of strap on
Just woke up from a first date on the futon watching Arrested Development by myself, him cuddling another chick in his room. Simultaneously the best and worst one night stand in history.
Bonus: took me 2 hours to get home on the streetcar cause I spent my cab money on drinks for his friend last night.
I'm getting drunk by myself again. But I'm not shotgunning any of them. That's self-restraint, right?
Why is your solution always to masturbate
Because it usually works
After tacos, we're chasing women.
wouldn't be a true Fourth of July without dropping acid at 9pm on a Monday
FREEDOM
His dog ate the vibrator. The WHOLE vibrator. We spend the morning after trying to make it vomit up the battery. Why does this always happen to me?
aloe plants are like gummy bears with an exoskeleton, but with healing powers instead of deliciousness.
are you on the drugs???
My professor is wearing skinny jeans, orange socks and just said penetration. I don't know what to think
Randomize