If that ambulance is off to save our dignity, please tell them it's too late...
It was like a mary poppins bag, except a sexual mary poppins bag.
Note to Self: No matter how horny, turned on or in the moment you are, never go down on your gf after she had soccer practice.
She was narrarating everything she did.. like while making toast.
I told him if I was pregnant we were coming out to the people at work, because I'm not pretending to get knocked up by an imaginary boyfriend.
You told her to step on the scale because you had whiskey goggles, and scales don't lie.
i think dick pics are a sign of a sexual renaissance
Last time i carry you out of a forest
Was there a condom involved? Because he was saying he wanted a kid. Repeatedly.
Sex aside I am really scared about Syria...
Life update - currently drunk off my ass in the yoga room of SFO at 5:30 in the morning.
I have a bad feeling I'm going to like this fuck buddy
and then I partied with my new dealers deaf pit bull. All around a good night I'd say...
how don't worse things happen to you?
Omg. I meet up with you guys with bodily fluids on my chin ONE time and suddenly I'm a whore.
My eye was non-stop itchy for like an hour... I thought burying my face in your ass caught up with me
Randomize
