he rolled over and started playing skeeball on his iphone after we had the best sex yet considering he only lasted 10 seconds last time.. im getting standards.. tomorrow. for now im just going to enjoy the fact i counted over 20 this time.
We invented "Diesel Bombs." They're supposed to be a bomb, but they come in a 20+ oz. glass and have a blackout record of 6 wins and 0 losses. Undoubtedly going to be the next Muhammed Ali of the drinking world.
He always takes home straight guys. He plays One Night Stand on Ledgendary Mode
I just feel like you're using me for sex.
I'm glad you finally understand the context of our relationship
thanks for not telling him i named my trumpet after his dick
I asked if I could borrow some condoms. She referred to herself as "a soup kitchen for whores".
THE VODKA TRAIN IS NOW PULLING INTO THE STATION
There is a car windscreen wiper in my handbag... Not my car's, not ok.
He said he didnt want to choke me, I said im sorry thats a deal breaker.
You are lucky that I'm drunk. Otherwise I would bone you into another universe
I think I was just hit on by Jesus Christ. This is not okay. Bad Touch. I NEED AN ADULT!
Calm the hell down, it's just stoner Bob.
We met up and made out in front of an empanada spot, if that's not romance then idk what is.
I haven't showered. And am sitting in the office smelling like a beer can someone's been using as an ash tray.
Accidentally made a straight guy question his sexuality again. I really gotta watch myself.
I am now banned from the bar... Because you got head from my ex in the woman's restroom
Randomize
