No, we ended up finding him drunk at a bus stop downtown sitting on the bench asking people for chocolates and amazing stories to "rid his mind of his whore of a girlfriend"
guess you're going to miss out on a groin massage and a frosty vagina
he was sobbing,drinking his beer, all while confessing his love for her. awkward was an understatement...
Why is your signature on my underwear?
listening to the two girls in the next stall finish a 40 and laugh at this guy they both fucked. they're calling him 'tulip dick'.
Whoever I saved in my phone as "Jackpot" last night has your keys.
I think my whole family judged my ability to change under a blanket.
In a moving vehicle and other people in the car
I was only out of town for 1 week. His cell records show he texted 63 ex-gfs and hookups while I was gone. And 10 condoms are missing.
If this party got busted it would be an improvement
Also I'm sitting home alone with a big ass bowl of marshmallows right now just eating. It's so sad.
Can we make a sex game out of monopoly somehow?
He wanted me to blow him while he did curls and looked at himself in the mirror. Not sure if gay or ego maniac.
I just need to drink whiskey get off and eat some cheese. Why is that so fucking hard for god to deliver.
Brought some lesbians back to the light side of the force
So drunk last night I reviewed my recent anazon purchase of secret deodorant. Trust me, it was eloquent.
Randomize
