whoa...plan B gets you drunker quicker.
just took a cab, driver just asked what i'd been drinking- i said vodka, he said "can't do vodka-drunk, it makes me feel like i'm giving birth to myself" ...no comment
I hate it when I can only see straight when I close one eye. I feel like that deserts the purpose of seeing with two eyes
who knew that if you vomit while skydiving the puke goes up towards the people that are behind you.
Why do I feel like I'm not the only one drinking to make my night class teacher look better?
We have a drunken confused pantless man in our apt. Boots.
You slow clapped the stripper last night.
I have a very important question for you: what are some good rules to have if we want to turn the nfl draft into a drinking game?
I can taunt you with whatever I want. Like batman and sex.
I dressed up as a breathalyzer test for Halloween; never had so many straight dudes blow me before!
My mom just told me my dad shaves his pubes while drunk and I don't know how to feel anymore.
I will refer to it as the penis of glory... he fucked me for 3 and a half hours - and all he needed was a 5 minute power nap in the middle (which he took WHILE INSIDE ME). I plan on staying with him forever
it's too much effort for something that isn't food.
Glad I can drunkenly remember to not get tomatoes on my Mexican pizza but can't tell a guy to keep his hands off my ass
I'm just the girl with the breathalyzer keychain, and I embrace that.
Randomize
