between no blow jobs for the rest of his life, or no cheese for the rest of his life, he chose no blowjobs. ive never felt so bad about my bj abilities before
I'm praying to Jesus, Allah, Buddah,and the whole gang tonight that I'm not pregnant
She got all mad because she said it was "unprofessional" to tell my manager to go fist herself.
you know something has gone wrong in your life when you've gotten a court order to stay away from ALL mc donalds.
she's my drunk super hero.
I really hope our interview with channel 6 last night doesn't air or else my parents are gona get a first hand look at my alcohol problem
we bribed her with croutons and jello shots.
i love him because he let me keep my UGGS on while we had sex
Dude cabbage spilt on the floor, and now danielles rolling it. Happy st party's day.
Also, I guess I made friends with the guy who caught me peeing behind a bush.
found a better reason to procrastinate than the usual sunday-don't-give-no-fucks. literally every one of my textbooks is soaked in captain. can't turn a page without gagging.
Yes... I'll kill two birds with one crazy ecstacy filled night.
sometimes, you gotta take him by the hands like tails took sonic, and fly him into the bedroom.
We took her out for fresh air and next thing we knew, she was stumbling around the backyard picking dead leaves up off the ground and putting them in her shirt to "save them".
orgasmnado...tomorrow night
That's what I'm talking about
I stole the butter cup cuz i brought home my rolls and chicken and didnt want the butter everywhere. I miss your body because its amazing.
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