apparently when i got back to tyler's i layed face down on the bed and yelled "don't hurt my asshole!"
how's this sound. You, me a box of pink franzia and a night full of possibilities in your basemen. I'll be me. You be you. And we'll see where it goes
Just had to have the guy at Sprint clear the dried cum out of the trackball on my Blackberry. Wonder if that happens to him often.
do you know how scary it is to wake up in a CATSCAN machine after a night of drinking?
I'm gagging in the liquor aisle just thinking about how much alcohol I'll be drinking this weekend.
Sorry I sent so many blank messages. My hands are slippery. Don't ask why.
Cops came. Forced us to take the "Honk and We'll Drink" and the "Free Shots to Father's of Freshman Daughters" signs down. Before we did, someone honked and the cop said, "Aren't you gonna drink?" They then told us to move the party inside by ten.
This coming from the girl who broke up with a guy because she found out he played the tuba in middle school.
Please be advised that because of last year's "incident" we will no be starting St. Pat's day with spicy breakfast burritos and car bombs. Please plan accordingly.
Dude this deaf chick is totally hot, I just bought an apartment on boner ave
We could have casual sex if you want. But I can't offer a bromance to a woman.
Can you stop being a bitch and just take some Kaluha shots with me bro?!?
Maybe. I want to have sex at the fire station, most likely on one of the trucks. I wonder if I can finagle that before I tire of the spelling and grammatical errors in his texts.
Do you know how fucking great a bath bomb is when you're high?
Why would you call when you knew I'd be having sex!?
Why would you answer?
Randomize
