Home remedy for the herp. Black tea. I need to strap teabags to my wang.
Went to get my tattoo today. Found out the piercing girl is bi. I may just get my nipples done to get hit on tomorrow. Confidence is low these days.
I am currently exfoliating my skin with the toilet. We've never been so close.
Everyone threw up but him. I took off my shirt because I puked on it. There were also a lot of drag queens involved.
I don't think we had sex because when I woke up he was still wearing the chicken suit.
Safe to say I relapsed into my old chatroulette drunk flashing days.
No more co-pays for contraceptives. Whoever says Obama is a bad guy has clearly never had a pregnancy scare.
Not my man #1 and if he likes it then he should put a title on it. Till then the gates of hell. Aka my vagina are open for entrance.
New rule. No seeing movies about plane crashes after killer bong rips
Are we in any of the areas with tornados?
Dude, i don't even have pants on yet, it's too early to think about tornadoes.
So the tow truck driver didn't charge us because Ian convinced him that he was sent out by God to share his cocaine with us.
If body pillows had a built in vibrator attached I would literally never need a boyfriend again
How so I keep attracting the virgins? HOW?
You talk about your love for your ninja turtle onesie when you're drunk. Are you really surprised?
I got a discount on the lube for giving the cashier focaccia bread from work.
I just saw a guy in a zippo shirt buy 2 gallons of fire starter fluid and then proceed to smoke a cigarette. I feel like hes got some big plans for his tuesday.
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