We are brilliant. We call it the pint walk. Killing a pint of vodka while we walk from cleveland park to dupont. just making mama proud
She said she didn't have time to shave "there"
Then she shouldn't have had time to order the lobster.
Dude if it is possible to orgasm from shitting i think it just happened.
why are there post-it notes all around the apartment labeled where you guys had sex and in what position
Now she's making me sit here and look at pictures of guys she likes who look like bears. She's calling them her bear friends.
I woke up smelling like the ciroc you tried pouring into my mouth last night. I think my clothes are still soaked
I'm not drunk enough to eat silly string
NEVER LET ME DO THIS AGAIN I FEEL LIKE I'M GONNA SHIT MYSELF TO DEATH ARGHHHHHGHHG IS THIS WHAT DYSENTERY FEELS LIKE
All I need right now is some mouthwash, dignity, and security camera footage...
We woke up in the room with a hamburger patty on the bed side table, one bun across the room, and the other bun under my pillow. Still don't know who ordered room service.
my dad pointed to my full beer and said drink up we're leaving now.
can you adopt me?
You need to get laid. You spent last night stumbling through the club pulling couples apart and telling them to leave room for Jesus.
i don't know if this is a cannibal joke or a sexual innuendo, and i think that's a beautiful description of our relationship.
Some nights you just end up digging your mcdouble out of the trash and eating it. it happens.
If you could get me there thatd be perfect. I doubt there's extradition on the moon.
Randomize
