soooo we both peed the bed last night...
I am kinda proud of you, its like seeing my slutty baby take its first step
the doctor said its the kinda of pregnant you dont recover from
He led me to his room and handed me the remote, he left to go take a shower and there is a group of guys across the hall just staring at me... Its like they know something i dont. Help me.
i told her i wanted to be the Neil Armstrong of her vagina,
I mean there are things broken right and left, I woke up surrounded by dog statues, and we had a vodka bubble bath.
They should incorporate dolphins into professional surfing
We got a standing ovation as security was escorting us out of the ballpark, it was a proud moment
For a second I thought that you were becoming a decent person again. I am glad I was wrong.
He suck his junk in my HALF BAKED. Ben & Jerry would totally disapprove. This is worse than sticky dick donut day.
Got myself invited to boss's family dinner party, drank too much, and fucked boss's brother in his parent's house. Just another Wednesday.
I just gave them my two week notice. Now is the perfect time to fuck my boss's son
Hungover on St. Patrick's Day. I did this backwards.
Just made a drug contact standing in the sandwich line in the dining hall. Is this real life?
You're my fucking hero.
I woke up with a jacket; in it passport, hockey tickets, sunglasses, credit card, bank transactions
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