On a scale from 0 to 24...wait, 3 to 24, where 6 is the lowest and 12 is the highest, how freaking high re you right now?
she is the female version of PC from the mac and pc commercials..i'll still hit tho
I just ate a fried snickers. I now officially accept all fat jokes
she wouldn't play beer pong with me unless I took off the rollerskates.
K, so let's go ahead and say that mcnugget and margarita Tuesday was a bad idea
they superglued a cigarette to my fingers...i think I need to quit smoking.
I've never been to a "going away to jail" cookout. do we bring a present?
I dont think I should be allowed to pick my own boyfriends anymore
My brain is like scrambled eggs. If scrambled eggs were trying to escape out of my skull through my forehead.
Everyone was trying to get you to do a keg stand but you refused & instead declared you could do it yourself, crouched on the keg in your 6 inch heels, leaned over, and gave yourself one.
Sorry, fell into some ass. Call you tomorrow.
His chest is so hairy i want to pet it with my nipples.
One day I'm gonna have to send my roommate a "sorry I got high and forgot you were in the room and masturbated next to you" fruit basket
I hear my roommate snoring and I feel bad for his girlfriend but then I hear them having sex and I guess it all works out in the end.
Apparent my drunk ass was so dedicated to taking a piss, when I walked across the dance floor to get to the bathroom a 9/10 broad tried to dance with me and I just pushed her aside, like hard enough to send her a few feet from where she was standing, pointed at her and said "Not now chief, gotta rock a mean one."
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