Just ran to the store on my way to the office to buy Diet Coke...the guy in front of me let me cut because it was 4 more minutes until 8am, so he wouldn't be able to purchase his vodka. I love Wisconsin
we hooked up on one of my student's desks last night...i can't decide if i'm ashamed or massively proud of myself
dude you teach first grade wtf
i mean, i stole her boyfriend and beat her snake score on facebook within 48 hours. not her week.
he asked my vagina if she was excited to meet Leonard. LEONARD. His fuckin penis is named Leonard.
I got to find out the airplane alcohol limit, and somehow I made it through the flight.
he does have a point though, watching you drink makes me never want to drink again
We smoked speed and opium for the first time. ended up harvesting cucumbers with locals at 9am in a farmers field. Laos is fuckin crazy.
Ice that vagina down, get some coffee, and try not to walk with a limp. It's time to dominate, pull it together
These kids are nice. Shrooms make everything so nice.
She got called into work early but she left me a note that had directions to her roommates stash of weed on top of a two bacon and egg mcmuffins. I think I win.
Let's get drunk and put things on the grill that have no right to be there.
Happy birthday, America.
When that bartender tried to tell us he sang like Sade, I knew it was time to go
I'd still fuck that
You'd fuck a dead moose
Quite possible
Just got an exam care package consisting of only adderall wrapped in money. Score one for mom.
Reverse road head. Sa-witch!!!
Randomize
