Sometimes when I whip my dick out it looks REAL impressive. This, was NOT one of those times.
she said "can't you just pull out and cum on my face? I hate scooping jizz out of my vag".
I'm assuming you texted me by mistake. you're not jizzing in or on me again, thanks for playing, douchebag.
Can you please check on Jay? He just called and left a Backstreet Boys song on my voicemail. Either it's 1998, or someone needs to go back to rehab.
My drug dealer just made me a sandwich at the local deli. Starting to question his street cred.
When I woke up in the parking lot today I decided it is not a good idea to hang out with you anymore.
i dont even mind you always shaving my pubes when i pass out, i'm starting to find it liberating.
we all took turns holding you up and pretending that you were simba and that we were presenting you to the jungle
Watching videos from last night and u go "I should be the president, I can get whatever I want w my tits"
New rule: I am no longer allowed to speak
I never woulda thought that back in kindergarten playong kickball that'd i'd be 24 getting plastered in front of the white house and winning a kickball championship in a young adult drinking league
NO SHITSVILLE I just saw a homeless dude punch a pigeon that flew by him
idk wtf was in that bud but I was talking to my dead dog last night bro holy shit
He said he was Greek American and that is why my legs slammed shut. During the World Cup there are only Americans.
There's a girl passed out on the sidewalk at the parade. Its not even 10am. She gave candy to children saying it was ketchup. Still think I have a problem?
COCAINE AND SUSPENSFUL BBC SHOWS DO NOT WORK.
i just woke up, first off why is there pineapple everywhere and who's underwear is on my ceiling fan ?
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