i just walked with a girl who was carrying a chair down the street. apparently she got mad at the bartender and took the bar stool when she left.
Assholes at mcdonalds drive through wouldn't serve us last night even though we said we were on small motorcycles that were to small for them to see and weren't heavy enough for the sensors. We made noises and everything.
i hate when u poo a lot and when u wipe theres no poopy residue on the TP. it makes me feel like my butt hole is hiding something from me. just had 2tell sum1.
Who is John, and why is his named carved into our toilet?
Being a girl sucks.
Being a boyfriend sucks for about a week, too
apparently drunk me likes to play hide the puke.. was not a fun time washing all my legos.
The smoke alarm went off as soon as we opened the closet.
I'm so hungover that if we go to panera, I'll probably get a bread bowl to throw up in.
So it sounded like a midget was barfing IN our walls again this morning ...
do we own a ladder
We do not.
then how am i on the roof
don't mind me. just hanging out in this cool air conditioned Babies R Us until the liquor store next door opens.
Matt's offering to breast feed it.
I am on my usual post-jerkoff high of eternal happiness. Like I could punch a fucking tiger.
In other news, I'm pretty sure my mom was encouraging me to have a threesome yesterday... I don't even want to start digging in that garden of horror and trauma.
Don’t listen to me, I’m walking around wearing nothing but rave bracelets and headphones shouting “yeeeeaaahhhhhh”
Randomize
