fun fact: cucumber in vinegar with pepper = best ever high snack
he was like "finding out that arrested development was cancelled" bad
you're dressed like that and you're on the rag, that's false advertisment
He came and then made the Jim Halpert face. does that say disappointment or what
you just started pointing at the light and whispering "star wars"
please dont tell anyone i was drunk
you were publicly making out with a very old very spandex covered woman...they know
He told me i had to sleep under his bed. He said it would be my castle.
why didn't you tell me his penis tasted like oreos?
he's paying for my abortion by participating in an alcohol study. dont try to tell me we wouldn't be classy parents
Hey! Where are you? It's Irrisponsible Patio time and you're not here firing shots down summer student's throats
He just kept mumbling that he was too drunk for society and then he peed in a bush
She called and said her prescription was refilled. I guess we are dating again.
He isn't understanding any of my Fetty Wap references. He may not be a keeper after all.
Some girls mom just approved of me banging her on Fb.... For the whole world to see.. I'm officially a god.
Just woke up beside some twink in a kilt.. how is your sunday going
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