I cant talk right now they are about to fuck again
i'll never see her again. i cant remember her last name. this is like cinderella except prince charming drank too much jameson and couldnt save a phone number properly
I'm using process of elimination to determine which of our neighbors i fucked last night.
Just met me in 10 years...this lady keeps an emergency wine cooler in her bag
Seriously how many times do I have to sleep with him before he stops calling me dude
I just googled, "how to do boob makeup" thats the kind of night I wanna have.
Every time he asks me if I'm horny I'm just like come on...stupid question
I'd rather be sodomized with a fullly decorated Christmas tree.
HEY. NO. THIS IS ABOUT YOU RIGHT NOW. YOUR COCK, MY MOUTH, THATS IT.
I brought a travel sized bottle of baby powder and sprinkled it on all of the couples making out on the wall in the basement
Well just give me the address, I'll bring the bourbon. If they let that into mental institutions
I just blew thrown up hashbrowns out my nose. That's the level of this hangover.
The last thing I remember before blacking out was passing that sobriety test.
They think I'm one of them. I'm about to get drunk in a Santa suit and bust down the door singing Christmas carols.
i should probably stop doing things just because i think they’re funny. i’m not going to.
Randomize
