OMG Im so trashed fishy! im sitting hereon my bed wif mcdonalds n i look like david hasselhoff!!!!!! kill me now
its like they have never seen someone walk through campus with a plunger
Just got new surround sound speakers for my computer... I feel like I'm actually IN the porn now.
I think the best part was when you jumped over me naked.
i preemptively threaten to cock slap your kids if they are snobby yuppy bitches
You know its good night when theres makeup smears on the toilet seat
Just saw a guy walking down the street carrying a giant inflatable penis
Just arrived at our party
its kind of scaring me that i am turned on by tom cruise in rock of ages
I went to the obgyn with chipped nail polish.. Somewhere Beyonce was looking down, shaking her head, whispering "Not fierce."
She walked out and announced that he was now part of our confused, incestuous, glorious eskimo family. I've never been more proud.
Campus is too small for this to keep happening
Like my new perfume? It's a combination of Fireball, sex and bad decisions.
So I told him "To answer your question yes I am naked making pizza pops in your kitchen"
Look, all I'm looking for is a good time and someone whose chest I can bury my face in
She was gone when I unblacked out, but she had nailed her panties to the wall and wrote “Colleen’s Dick”with a sharpie on the wall. No idea where she got a hammer and nail
Thank god you don't know my other address I'm safe for now
Awww you know you would like it if I found u
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