oh my god, i just wanna eat cake off your dick
just tell him i said nine months
he texted me telling him i gave him the clap. but i think he gave it to me and i gave it back to him
I've realized that you're the only friend i can rely on to drink with me any given day. i thank you for that.
did the walk of shame through a baseball field. .A little league game was going on. Proceeded to buy a hot dog at the concession stand. the looks were priceless.
Oh man, buzzed lunch fridays almost got out of hand.
She stopped laughing and kind of stared at the wall for a while. Then she did 3 somersaults and said she saw jesus. This weed is fucking fantastic.
either i huffed spraypaint or ate out that makeup artist. you decide.
He goes to Columbia so regardless of how he looks I should fuck him right?
How the fuck does a person bruise an armpit? I swear to god, I get the lamest drunk injuries.
i found waldo and immediately set him to work eating me out. please have more out of season costume parties.
Momentum is force x velocity. So therefore velocity is 0 - hammered, and force is ur legs locked up and ur face hits the ground.
I felt paralized they just wouldnt move. We need segways when were drunk cuz if we start to fall forward they well take off and save the fall.
I went to work hungover and threw up in the break room. Told them I was pregnant and then said I quit. I don't have a job now, thanks vodka.
the quiet that you are hearing is a silent suggestion that you should go fuck yourself
This guy wants me to put ice under his foreskin. What!?
Randomize
