When I meet a new girl, I'm terrified of mentioning something she hasn't already told me but that I have learned from some light internet stalking.
I've had enough of this chick, she wanted to cuddle after giving me a handjob. I feel like I'm in junior high
I'm pretty sure I saw a man standing on a table with no shirt on getting sugar thrown at him while "pour some sugar on me" blaring while the cops were in the house.
The working title of my paper? "Tailgating: A Big Clusterfuck of Kids Who Dont Actually Give a Shit about Football"
So many people have lost their virginity on my futon... I think it is only the right thing to bronze it and put it on display
Guess I was throwing darts at a patrons head last night, lol! Black out
We were walking home from Pluckers (read carrying your drunk ass) and out of nowhere you yelled "Say bitch you got a Facebook?" at a random chick walking by.
After that song played in the club all he kept drunkenly saying was "Birdman goes brrrrrr"
What's the procedure for answering a booty call from someone under house arrest?
I'm 99% sure the Indians were high for thanksgiving and we should respect that by getting high too
Currently eating Dominos at the bar high as shit so that's how homework is going
I need a hobby that isn't dick related
Oh man I missed being single! Two different guys just sent me dick pics during my kid’s little league game.
I love you even if you are fucked up. If you fall, i'll just get on top of you.
She threw my purse across the room almost broke a lamp and this all started bc she forgot what an air mattress was
Randomize
