is it bad that i shorted Freddie Mac immediatly after I heard about the CFO?
How do I get over judging people who I would be exactly like if I had a boyfriend
Get a boyfriend
Just found my girlfriend's stash of animated Japanese porn
And to think, I actually considered breaking up with her
It was awkward until we both realized our obsessions with harry potter and sangrias were the same. Now were in love.
You need tk get a life and stop texting me about fictional characters. I don't give a shit.
got hammered last night, woke up this morning to 38 texts that varied from "you fucking asshole" to "i can be there in 10 minutes"
I guess you don't realize how much twelve bags of chips are, until they're all over your floor.
So I have the professor convinced that the textbook will take another week to deliver. that should give me enough time to replace the cash i spent on strippers.
I can hear my parents having sex. I REPEAT. I CAN HEAR MY PARENTS HAVING SEX! THIS IS NOT A DRILL!
Your mom is 55 and has MS. To be honest, I'm proud of her, and you should be too, bitch.
I told him he was probably the first guy to get fucked while wearing Star Wars pyjamas.
Apparently after awhile self preservation trumps libido. This is new news to me.
i think smoking weed in a ladies bathroom on the beach with two dudes might be the shadiest thing ive done in a while
Are you drunk? Because I am and if you're not, this may be very awkward in the morning
Thats for me to know and you to find out.
Just saw a woman in bootie shorts and a winter coat at the library. God. Bless. Prostitutes.
I think it was clear she was setting us up when she brought me over to you and said "Present!"
I hooked up with a guy that had a beard last night felt like I was building a fucken log cabin
Randomize
