And i was thinking, 'i'm happy to be underneath you, but i wish you weren't doing THAT.'
Nothing screams don't date me louder then having your baby as your profile pic
I don't even have to sign up for karaoke at duncans anymore. The karaoke ppl just sign me up themselves. Without my consent. I also sang stacys mom to some lady named Stacy who's mom died yesterday.
Happy graduation...we are now officially unemployed alcoholics!
I woke up while squatting on top of my bed peeing on my comforter and my laptop
Turns out shot glasses hold the perfect serving of sour patch kids....I still fail to see how not having any real glasses is an issue
I have an explanation for how we got this drunk this fast... but you wont like it. We are officially in complete liver failure.
I have bruises everywhere. I think I took "the drinks are strong" as more of a challenge than a warning.
What an age we live in that I can try to pick up a guy by using my phone while I'm taking a shit at work.
After we drank 3, we built a raft out of the empties and installed the fourth submerged In the water to keep it cool. Keg boats are now a thing
I'm sorry I didn't respond. I had a shit day. However, I just masturbated to Adele's Rolling In the Deep while crying. It was oddly therapeutic.
So what did you do since you didn't go out?
...ate chocolate and watched bring it on....it's like I don't even know what it would look like to be straight.
Currently having to re-watch episodes of Lost that I've only partially seen because you distracted me with your vagina
My hookup from last weekend apparently got arrested today... his roommate just tagged me on facebook asking for bail money.
....even the bartender was embarrassed for her
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