I knew the sex would be bad when he slipped the rubber on and said "safe sex activated"
Just made my alarm the Lion King song. Too excited about waking up to sleep.
We had to introduce ourselves in ethics class. This guy stood up said I'm mark, I love sluts and Jack. Then just sat back down. Hero status.
My professor complimented me on the well drawn penis on my face then asked if I would like a seat closer to the garbage can.
Im not spending 10 to get hit on by potential transexuals even if they are cuter than most of the girls I dated.
Listening to my boss get blown in the next room by a male bartender from the gay bar. And watching pawnstars. Tell me I'm not the best wingman ever.
You need to tell him your pregnant or we need to stop playing doubles beer-pong. My liver is begging you.
Running into your random closeted hookup from last night is really awkward when you have to sit next to him and his girlfriend in a 200 person class.
I don't know if I'm feeling really nervous right now or just extremely horny.
So, I'm about to take my pants off in the Walmart parking lot, when am old lady parks next to me. I'm all the way in the back next to the semis. What the hell?
I never realized how weird our shower smells until I cracked a shower beer and had a familiar aroma to compare it to.
Was Mr. ROBOT good? I missed it. I just fucked dental hygienist on the trampoline in my backyard
Look, if this is a cop, just lemme know that Mike is ok. Fuckin all star game
It was just like the old times. We watched movies and shit. But not like old times-i fucked her hot brother when she was in the shower? Times are a'changin.
Now the fun stuff starts.
Someone is losing a finger.
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