i no longer even have beer goggles. i'm pretty sure i blacked out and had beer lasik.
There's a girl sitting in front of me making a PowerPoint on Jack Bauer.
Just found out I slapped a vegan in the face with meat last night.
I'm going to email her once I get off the bathroom floor
The fact that I woke up with my panties on the counter and a piece of pizza stuck in my sheets is what scares me.
Rosemary is literally sitting on the ground holding on to the rug because she thinks she is going to fall if she lets go. We smoked way too much.
thanks for not telling him i named my trumpet after his dick
Perfect. Let's do that. I'm thinking everclear and green dye as our base. We shud start from there
After this week, alcohol is mandatory.
Sometimes having a penis is like having a really stupid drunk best friend. You see it doing dumb shit but you're just not the one in charge.
Was reaching for my vibrator this morning out of my nightstand and strained my neck muscle. I'm getting so old.
Well I hate to admit it but at this point I can successfully say i have been pee'd on by both of my roommates.
They made the paper for stealing gnomes. I fucked a local celebrity.
You did what with his pubic hair?
Once my new license was put into my hand, a light from the heavens shined down and pauly D's voice was in my mind saying ohh yeaaah 21 yeaaah
Randomize
