apparently red wine has the total opposite effect that whiskey does on his dick
Im mastering the way to pass gas silently.
Holy jesus god. My teeth taste like street.
I was thinking about baking his mom "sorry you found out i was sleeping with your son" cupcakes
My family is watching Intervention and taking notes. I need to leave NOW!
you know you go to a catholic school when you are rollin a joint with matthew 14:1-12
WHOA. WHOA. WTF. WHOA. TOO HIGH FOR HIM TO BE ENGAGED RIGHT NOW.
I assume you will show your seat mates your vibrating cock ring.
After he called me a "spirited little girl" I realized that I need to stop sleeping with guys more than ten years older than me.
He's the kind you'd bring home and you'd wake up and all your food would be half eaten on the kitchen floor and all your socks would be missing.
If you don't let me come over I'm gonna call you on speaker and you have to listen to her scream and moan too
I just sent a bad sext to my sister. There's not even a way to damage control this, is there?
Oh and .... you'll love this: my life coach says you writing my online dating profile isn't a horrible idea.
I woke up next to a Big Mac box.. And had no sheets or clothes on. The night was a success I think.
PSA Do not blow dry your junk.
Randomize
