Police were just in my backyard to recover a loaded .38. What the fuck?????
Tell us when you see the semi truck on fire.
They nicknamed me the gargoyle. Sex with me is getting gargoyled. The last one I fucked yelled "gargoyle me" for dirty talk. I think fucking me is part of their pledging initiation. Somewhat OK with this.
I told myself this year would be different, I wouldn't get "pee in a fish tank drunk".. Got to the girls house... Fish tank in her room.. 2 years in a row.. had to keep the tradition going
Honestly, It follows the same rules as Cock Roulette.
I'm offering you baseball tickets and my vagina, isn't that enough?
You rolled around on the floor, yelled about being a "half-zombie" and bit that guy on the leg who was hitting on me.
I LOVE YOU NO MATTER HOW MANY BALLS YOUVE SUCKED
He showed up at my front door with Plan B and a rose...
Had to snap chat three different people to ask who left the bite mark on my thigh. All three said "Wasn't me". Now I can't wear a bathing suit to my mom's pool.
It's Scottsdale, it shouldn't be this hard to find drugs.
My bed smells like the plague
For the love of god, if any of you are up, bring me pants.
how did i manage to wake up with my bra on backwards?
My butthole is tingling. Must be the grapefruit juice
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