We did like every position then did it again this morning. Something about him being the little boy i used to make sand castles with just made it way hotter.
well done
my roommate just said, "don't look at it, just put it iin your mouth"
I think his glow in the dark Star Wars sheets, at the time, really turned me on.
The amount of pregnancy tests I've taken in my life is unhealthy
the cool security guard showed me the video clip of how i sat criss-cross-applesauce on the elevator for 20 minutes last night
I was informed last night that im not allowed to pick up the bouncers and carry them around anymore. Last sat is starting to make more sense
Well yes but because of that incident i now salute to truck drivers
Would you be offended if I asked you to smoke a blunt with me while I pooped?
My mom just found my nipple clamps...... oh God why....
Although a guy bought me a shot of fireball last wknd and I told him he wouldn't even get half a handjob for that and walked away so don't tell me I don't have standards
Who would you rather hang with tonight, drunk me or high me?
You have to just make a conscious effort not to make out with people when he's around if you want to keep him in your life?
Sometimes, it’s important to take a moment and kinkshame yourself.
RESPOND QUICKLY THIS IS AN EMERGENCY!!! LITERALLY AN 11 INCH DICK!!!!! HELP.
Dry spell is over and now I’m drowning in a river of dick. The dam broke and now half the dicks in DC are trying get in my skirt
It’s a glorious dick miracle!
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