Great. There's a birthday party at work today. Now I can stand around and feel uncomfortable for an hour.
if only i could text you this smell
I feel like a bad episode of csi trying to figure everyone's DNA that's in me
We can smell you smoking weed from downstairs and your little brother is asking why the upstairs smells like gasoline. Please smoke in the basement. XOXO dad.
im so sorry the vomit froze your passenger door shut... you should have stopped.
Bath mats should not be used at mops. they don't work. consider this a drunk psa
Nobody has ever asked me for my honest opinion on whether they needed anal bleaching before
She called all of my friends to find out where I was last night. 7 out of ten said their place.
I'm at home, drinking with my cat. While this is an enjoyable lifestyle, other plans are preferable.
the liver wants what the liver wants
It's something I can't competently describe without making sex sounds.
hell or highwater he WILL get a blowjob in the hammock before the end of summer.
Why do all the Father's Day cards talk about what a great dad they are? Why can't there be one that says something like "Thanks for sticking it to mom and making me possible, your sperm was appreciated."
Walking back to my car from the campus library and just saw a Nuva Ring on the sidewalk. If that doesn't scream college life, idk what does.
There were no words. I got in his car, took my pants off, threw my shirt out the window, and got things started. After we were done I collected my clothes, gave him a kiss, and crept back into my house.
You're like the sex ninja. How doesn't he love you?!
Randomize
