When I woke up his cat was sleeping on my face and i had scratch marks on my neck. not happy.
only room for one pussy in that bed.
he just texted me two pictures of his dick. i feel i should rethink whatever vibe im obviously giving out
so is it as big as he says?
he put a tube of toothpaste next to it as a reference. it looks legit
I tried to throw up out of my window but I forgot there was a mesh screen.
I knew we were gonna fuck after she told me she's seen that Porno before
you are my patron saint of "too drunk for 9am". i just keep asking myself what would alyssa do as i try to regain motor function
Someone just told me I could double date with them and their dog as my date. This is why the suicide rates are so high at the holidays.
Don't you dare blame me for walking in one walking in on ur fuck session....u decided to fuck where we hid our booze
You went into the shower with my roommate and cursed him out asking why he was there
It's probably not healthy how legit bummed I am that my bottled of wine is gone.
He drunk texted me what I think is two snails fucking on a mushroom. Is "you sick bastard" too mild a rejection?
I just watched an old episode of Daria while eating brownies to cure day drunkness. Clearly I'm winning at adulting today.
My cat is watching me play with my new vibrator
I'm going to the store to get corona, salad, and blunt wraps...
I was drunk in the shower and i decided to shave. Im now bleeding to death
just realized I'll be in a check out line with just Hershey syrup and condoms. I don't know if I am setting a good image for our generation
Randomize
