dude facebook disabled my account because im registered under a false identity. now in order to get it back, i have to prove that it's really my name. i sent them an email and had to sign it "Cordially, Lloyd Pancakes"
I've never had a better reason to do blow of a Pittsburgh strippers ass than to try and keep pace with my dad.
WHATEVER CLASS IS PLAYING "TOOT IT AND BOOT IT" AT 8:30 IN THE MORNING, I WANT IN.
I told him the truth. Truth leads to vodka. Vodka leads to tequila. Tequila leads to prison.
Just stabbed myself in the face trying to lick melted cheese off a kitchen knife.
Leaving your birthday party to engage in a threesome IS allowed. I checked the rule book.
Youre the drunk baby that everyone wants to take care of.
Woke up in her bed this morning with a half used condom stuck to the side of my face
How can a condom be "half used"?
You asked me if I was judging you for being drunk, and if I can hypnotize you make sober.
I honestly think she should have her own reality show called "Lowering the Bar" and it consists of a camera crew following her from Bar to bar hooking up with unsuspecting drunk attractive men.
I just really hate taking care of things... If I can't fill it with liquor I'm not sure what to do with it.
what better way to celebrate the birth of jesus christ than to get embarrassingly intoxicated and make poor decisions!?
Right as the plane left the gate the brownies kicked in. I dont think the guy next to me appreciated my engine noises as we took off
I will be DAMNED if anyone but me breastfeeds my cat.
If I wanna spend the whole night tied up and getting railed I'm allowed to do so
Randomize
