Broke my phone, have no voice AND I was blackout by 3 p.m...I'm betting I had a great time.
Vanillla milkshakes are the new Gold Bond. Will explain later.
Do I have a sign around my neck that says "SWM desperately seeking ultra-plus-size woman that likes everything I do"? I swear they're organized
No, but you do have a sign around your neck that says "Free cupcakes."
Now you know why i just sit on the toilet and scream
Currently bar hopping with 30 Navy SEALS. I know i'm safe but damn its hard to pick up chicks when you feel like a big pussy.
My last memory involves me naked in a mens's bathroom stall. I really hope my date was with me.
Walk of Shame'd halfway down a mountain, skiiers passing. Do not drink with lifties at the end of ski season.
GO AHEAD, BITCH, GLARE AT MY WAFFLE ONE MORE TIME. I WILL FUCK YOU UP.
I don't know. She kept pirouetting across the kitchen while making dinner. I just sat there stoned.
Waking up at a teachers house is a very confusing thing
Dude, you kicked in the door to get to a six-person orgy while yelling "I JUST WANT TO LEARN!!"
Finding out you're not a mother on Mother's Day >>>
My boss asked me what was wrong today and I really wanted to tell her I woke up too late to smoke a bowl before coming in
Let me guess you did your hair instead? Has anyone told you about priorities?
Do you not realize that being Batman fulfills about 95% of my non-sexual fantasies?
I don't remember anything beyond the drinking game but I woke up in my own pee this morning so I'm just gonna go out on a limb and say I overdid it.
Randomize
