I like complaining with weaving words and complex sentences. It makes me seem more sophisticated and less bitchy.
I'm to the point in my high that every song eventually turns into Lady Gaga
Just got done reading an 11 page essay for class. Took me three fucking days and the only thing I have highlighted is the name "Alexander Cockburn"
Best idea ever: Giving hobos a beer and having a chugging contest to win another beer. Most fun I have had downtown in a while.
So they're giving me a CT scan because I probably have a hernia. From getting a BJ from you. Really. This may be a pivotal moment in my decision to write a book about my life
At least we kept it together. It's people like him who yell at bushes that give acid a bad name
My boyfriend correctly calculated the time I would be out of alcohol and showed up about four minutes after I'd run out with two bottles of wine. I think this is love.
So I just did the math and everything in this room except the computer and my clothes has been in my vagina
What vodka is american?
Skyy. I already looked it up for 4th of july.
I didn't mind you coming over, just I'm quite sure most booty calls don't involve a scavenger hunt...
Never start off a conversation with "speaking of STD's..."
million dollar idea: razor dispensers in bar bathrooms. your welcome, girls who didn't think they were getting laid tonight.
I figured it out! There's blood on the kitchen floor because I fell into the dishwasher. And there's a face dent. And it doesn't work.
Yea.....I saw that happen.
I feel like i'm being yelled at when you type in all caps.Did you just have bad sex?
Where can I buy a stripper pole at midnight on a Sunday?
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