I just got a ticket for shitting on a sand dune.
Dude I'm drinking a martini out of a water bottle, I've become my parents.
And we started making out. She asked me to pick a number between 1 and 10. I said 6. She took me to her room. A few minutes later I wasnt a virgin. DUDE I WAS GOING TO SAY 2.
i just realized that fran drescher is the 90's version of a guidette.
I wish I could tell you that the worst thing that happened last night was how he got thrown out of a stripclub for vomitting on the girl giving him a private lapdance. I wish I could tell you that and not be lying.
You screamed "there will be blood" and punched some random guy in the face. So no, we can't go back to that bar.
It'll be a pair of asscheeks that light up when they're summoned.
Do you think if i wear this shirt with my bengals boxers this kid will fall out of love with me a little bit because that's what I was going for.
so the kid in line in front of me at walmart just bought roses and a Plan B pill. Happy Valentines Day.
Vodka and cigarettes aside, my body is a temple.
Like I fucked him in the shower at 3 am when I had classes all day the next day so he can't say I'm not dedicated
I guess what I'm trying to get to is that my dog sneezed on my dick earlier and its really taken the joy out of my evening.
what is considered shitting yourself?
Like my underwear wasn't soiled, but there was definitely a departure from my asshole.
He lives 20 minutes away driving distance and decided to walk. I talked to him today and he took a nap along the way... In a cemetery.
Good News: There was a condom on the floor. Bad News: It was still in the wrapper
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