he wanted to have sex on the little rocking chair but i was too high to figure out how to do that so we did it on the floor.
Performed a legit marriage between 2 drunk people at last call yesterday. Becoming ordained has already paid for itself.
he couldn't find his key, so we just had sex on his parent's porch while we waited for his mom to get home.
I'm sitting in class drinking a forty out of a paper bag. No ones said anything yet. I think my professor is trying to ignore me. Better start yelling louder.
i hate this class. from the way they're all staring you would think they've never seen a girl in basketball shorts, heels and sunglasses.
I love how kegs are figured into our monthly bills
I wish I could go back in time 3 years and tell my freshman self how easy it is to hook up with freshmen
Just considered the plausability of using my detachable showerhead as a beer bong. Has my life really devolved to this?
The intern claims someone glued plastic eyeballs to his penis last night. He going to show everyone in the conference room at 3pm. There is a $5 cover charge.
Well I just walked into a wedding reception and im currently eating a cannoli in the men's room while pissing
There's a drag queen here that reminds me strongly of you. You should try crossdressing.
I just rolled over in bed and felt a bump. Turns out it was a lil nug. Talk about being princess and the weed.
She actually purred while I was balls deep in her! I have never been so proud to buy plan b at 6:30 in the morning.
I think people are normalizing furries
Dad is wasting no time getting back out there. Just walked in on him and a Twin Peaks waitress in the hot tub
Randomize
