i puked out the bus window last night on the way home. i remember it, but i don't remember everyone else screaming to put their windows up.
If it makes you feel better he went down on me when i had a yeast infection.
i guess you could say your face is two degrees of separation from my balls
Why is there a shirtless guy in Walgreens and why is he probably looking for the same thing I am?
im just gonna turn drinking alone on new years into a tradition
You passed out in the bathroom with the door locked. Had to take a shit in your litter box. Don't worry, your cat buried it for me.
basically theres shrimp everywhere. splattered on the walls, in the carpet, its bad. ohh theyre never gonna get the smell out.
I inadvertently smoked 6 blunts at one time. We just kept passing them around...I didn't know what happened until it was over. I can't walk.
YOU ARE THE WORST TRAVEL AGENT! THIS IS A SINGLES CRUSE FOR SENIORS. THEY ALL THINK IM THE FUCKING WAITRESS JUST CAUSE IM BLACK!!!
I'm going to start charging you rent if you keep leaving your random conquests on my living room couch the morning after
Did you put candle wax on my balls last night?
It's sad that I'm more proud of my Twitter account then my resume
we will now reference it as "the infamous double dick night"
I just found (and ate) a chunk of a reese's that fell between my boobs. Problem is that I finished those off 3 days ago in a drunk induced sob session... Has it really been that long since I changed my clothes?!
I didn’t say it was classy, I said it was sexy
Randomize
