Just saw an Asian guy riding his razor scooter to class. Dreams do come true
this weekend will be like the season finale to my life
i just found a cheeto on my floor and ate it. i might still be drunk.
Someone carved 'Hank' in all caps in the snow outside my apartment building so naturally I turned the capital H into a K and added an S to the front.
I think college has really matured you.
The theme is smores and alcohol. Dress appropriately.
If I die on my trip, you're my chosen person. Nightstand-vibrators. Computer-iphoto naked pictures. I hope you feel honored.
I made him tell me how he proposed to his wife before I'd bang him. I have a problem.
Its what happens when I drink whiskey in a sweater. It makes me feel mature and ponderful.
I miss the days where our biggest worries were who was gonna win battle shits.
I sent a picture of my balls to one of my best friends, so basically it was an average night.
why is "bang the student affairs grad assistant" the third highest thing on your semester goals list
I accidentally left my shirt at my booty calls house. He washed it & hung it up for me in his closet. I can't decide if that's sweet or creepy
I wish period tracker had a "on this day" also so i can see who i was with this day last year.
and then after the older sorority girl asked me his name she said "he gave me the rest of his mcdonalds and I decided to go home with him. it was the best that I could hope for my night"
Checked my bank account this morning...apparently I went to 7-11 at 4am and spent $22 on taquitos. New all time low for me.
I ate all of them. New all time low for ME.
Randomize
