i'm saving my butt for my wedding night
Hungover. Be in at noonish. Turn my monitor on and put a hot cup of coffee on my desk so the boss thinks I'm in
So some girl kept staring at me and giving me these weird looks. That's when I realized she could probably hear the Mulan soundtrack playing on my iPod...
can i drink enough to forget this semester even happened?
still haven't packed clothes. only wine. gotta love spring break
He came home all fucked up crying slammed his bedroom door and all we could hear for about three hours was THIS ISN'T GONA RUIN MYLIFe what happend
I told him I got this chick pregnant and he has to get a new wingman
We had sex in the bathroom. Good sex. Toilet breaking sex.
Good. We don't answer calls at dick thirty.
she's like a sexy human version of my cat. i can't catch her, and she keeps throwing up in the corners.
Bullets don't scare me. I wish I was a coyote
I think I'm crying more because after all these years he never learned to spell you or use a comma properly from me
I might attempt to pee into a cup while driving. I'll let you know how it goes.
I mean I've seen her tits but I don't know what her voice sounds like
Dude is PACKING. And yes I am holding up a cross and holy water and hissing like a pissed off goose.
you went over there?
His drunk texts were grammatically perfect. At least our kids will be smart.
Randomize
