Is it necrophilia if we're both dead?
just found a sign outside my brothers door "not going to church, don't even try" and he is covered is vomit in his bed.
Long labias. Talking about. Too drunk to explain. Tomorrow.
Do ex girlfriends even count for summer sexcapades. Seems like the damage had already been done
Victory lap
Say what you want, but those Fraggle Rock DVDs have gotten me laid twice.
Just checked my voicemails on the work phone on speaker. Thank you so much for the one of you screaming "COME FUCK ME NOWWWW!" my boss loved it ..
His hands kept asking for sex, but all I could think was "dude, this is going to ruin my high".
Package arrived for me from the gf while she's on vacation..under the bed bondage kit and new lingerie...my boner could drive to the airport
I went to the bar without a bra on pretty sure you can go to Taco Bell drive thru with no pants
im half tempted just to scoot up to him and whisper "I'm not wearing underwear" but idk if thats a heartfelt apology
Executive order 941: BRING ME THE FINEST PANCAKES!
You have got to stop watching the West Wing before going out.
Is it normal, that tacos make me horny?
If it makes you feel any better, I can't find the goldfish I dropped like five minutes ago.
I really wanted you to make me eggs this afternoon. I even wrote it on my hand to remind myself.
i'll...probably just offer you drugs?
i'll...probably take them in all honesty
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