my elementary bus driver served me drinks last night. He hooked me up
I'm not even planning on drinking that much tonight.. but I'm writing "emergency contact number" and your number on my hand just in case
And we should impose a 'friends don't let friends order 25 shots at last call' rule
Your maid of honor is passed out in a golf cart on the 18th hole.
My hanfda are one with the u niverse and I am cirretnly inhaling a couch
I feel like a food baby is going to burst from my stomach and eat all the leftovers until another food baby rips out of its stomach. And so on. It's truly a merry Christmas.
Somehow he made it really romantic
He came on your tits... That doesn't scream romance to me.
Pain in my heart, regret in my vagina
Also the fuck cup must be buried with me
You continued to run around saying "free the nipple" while "taste testing" every liquor on the premises.
I just set my acrylic nail on fire while trying to light my blunt
Sorry about the Christmas balls dude. At the time I thought they were festive as fk but I see now I've just spent too much time on the internet
if he ever tells me he loves me when we are sober, i am a goner. just fyi.
He found out about your side hoe and still helped you try to find a lizard that got in the house
It’s just hard to believe you really care about me when u haven’t touched my dick in 2 months
Randomize
