Spaghetti and Car Bombs, good idea or what will end up on the bar in a few minutes?
Captain Phil from deadliest catch died... im trying to think of a memorial fb status but "ill miss your crabs" doesnt sound right
Vodka infused whipped cream. Shit just got real.
she made out with a stripper. how was scrabble night with your girlfriend
I shouldn't be home alone with this much peanut butter and the dog. I feel like i'm being recorded to see when my desperation will peak.
Have you ever stopped and thought "I do NOT want to be inside of this person right now. Or ever." Because you should.
We celebrated International Women's Day by spending $700 and taking our tops off at the strip club
The boys offered to pay but we went halfs because we're feminists
Some fat latino guy has these 2 fat white moms making out with each other on the dance floor
Just walked into the library with a case of Strawberitas in hand.. no one said a word.. I think they were just impressed I knew where the library was
I just accepted my offer to work as a camp counselor over the phone between shots of Fireball. This is going well for me so far.
at first i said "no rollerblading if I'm going to be drunk," but we all know how that went
I was going to learn how to knit but I got high instead.
Worst way to find out I have a half sister
Know we haven't talked but having an orgy party on the 20th if you're interested. If not, disregard this text.
Who is this?
I will feed you tacos. I will touch your butt. Happy Valentine's Day ❤️
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