last week i woke up at this guys house...this week i woke up at his ex girlfriends
I think my emotional moodswings have reached a new low. I cried for the entire duration of changing my tampon.
I have been thinking about it and I am really glad we decided to order helmets.
I'm taking her home. She just told a 90 yo woman in a packers hat to "suck her cock".
Just wanna let u know that we are almost on the pity blow job level of our friendship.
I'll just have to do enough fangirling for the both of us. Nipples engaged.
He was making Jim beam nachos. Chips soaked in whiskey with cheese
A stripper just invited me to her daughter's birthday. Where did my life go wrong?
My uterus feels like it went 8 rounds with Mike Tyson. And that was only a quickie.
I thought he was foreign, but it turns out when you're that drunk, an Ohio accent just sounds Russian.
I'll just give him your contact info, and you'll somehow manage to get laid. Which will make me feel like your vagina's agent or something.
Does she know she is talking to people who slam shots of fireball and chase it with vodka?
Do you remember coming over and asking for toast and then singing that yeah toast song very loudly while you were dropping my bread all over my kitchen?
IM FILLED WITH SANDWICHES AND SELF LOATHING
it was like where's waldo, only the stakes were much higher.
Randomize
