She's hot and she went to Notre Dame. I want to fuck the Catholic right out of her
Welp...herpes.
Last night, my friend changed all my contacts in my phone. I have been texted by Batman, Donatello, and Hermione Granger. I have no idea who they are, and it doesn't upset me at all.
Even my vagina gasped.
I just had to give myself a pep talk to stop lying on my floor. Literally too hung over to function
On another note, convinced a 9 year old my hickey was actually a zombie bite.
You insisted we help some homeless guy put up posters for his missing pet alligator so we left you there because they were really just Chinese takeout menus.
I just put bacon on a thin mint and enjoyed the shit out of it. I better not be fucking pregnant.
I do believe at one point I was dispensing medical advice while wearing your sombrero and a hulk hand
Rush week is fine, only the t-shirts are white and if it rains, the frat boys in their lawn chairs will be treated to 800 freshmen girls in their first wet tshirt contest.
Welcome to college.
Mike found the condom wrapper on the washing machine and looked at me and said "Magnum? NICE girl. Get that nut!" then proceeded to puke in a cup
Not as awesome as someone telling you that you have the biggest tits they've ever seen. And they're like 30-something, so they've seen a decent amount of tits in their lifetime.
So now I have had sex with 2 people my son graduated high school with.
When God closes one door, he opens up a taller, smarter, more successful door, with a bigger cock and nicer teeth.
Note to self: NEVER have sex with anyone who is experiencing explosive diarrhea.
I've never been so happy to be celibate.
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