I mean I can't believe yesterday ended w/ your house getting firebombed. What an unexpected turn of events
ive come to realize my hair is a lot like my vagina. i put a bunch of shit in it with no result
So for two years my friend Mark has been building a catapult in his basement. Yesterday he realized it's too big to get it out.
You need to give me a reason immediately why he is your friend.
If im going to fail a midterm I might as well be drunk while I do it
Dude. Muppets take manhattan on netflix instant. Pass my midterm or relive my childhood? Tough decision.
just upgraded from jello shots to jello bowls blacking out just got that much more delicious
We're upstairs smoking....the password is pineapple
You do realize that we got a stripper to do the YMCA for us on the main stage... Right?
Can we get blazed at 9:06 on sunday and reenact the moment of my birth?
I get to be your mom.
Get dressed, I have 50$ and you need a new beer pong table since we threw yours off the 8th floor last night.
I currently look like a drunken mermaid, god I love beach parties.
Do you think the police would frown on me opening a psych drug pharmacy on the side? Just to dispose of my drugs without polluting the water supply! It is for the animals!
Just by hearing the girl outside reciting the info on her fake ID, I know it's gonna be a good night
Pretty sure I scared her away last night by putting a vodka tampon in my ass
Um so I might have accidentally on accident maybe blew up the bottom half of your truck...
Randomize
