ya dads aren't the best wingmen
I cont stop tolking in a british axsent
Highlight of my evening, pile of books falling onto me in front of people
She's helping me study for the final by writing the vocab words all over her body.
dude, I'm listening to "I believe I can fly", i'm high, and driving. this is so amazing.
like stop trying to get a relationship out of this when i'm clearly in the drunken mistakes part of my life.
Did you eat 9 cans of raviolii last night?
Come on man nobody wants to admit that
I have their Unicorn picture in my shirt, and I just threw a Bud Light Platinum bottle through their window. We need to go now.
I hate that you live in a gated community. I feel your guard judges me every time I go to your house at 3 am an leave at 5am
Mom chose Thanksgiving to tell me the reason I am here is because she was too tired to give my dad a BJ and too drunk to make him pull out.
You asked me if I was judging you for being drunk, and if I can hypnotize you make sober.
Sorry I just took 4 pills about 20 minutes ago so I'm feeling like a claw machine like people tell me were I need to go and what to do and I'm just like yes sir so I get the teddy bear but I set it on fire and it's kinda black on one side and there might be smoke coming off it.
It must have been good head...he put down the Xbox controller
We lost a person.... if you see a man in yellow shorts and nothing else walking around let me know...
just played fuck the dealer and thunderstruck with my physics ta. he is the third ta that i have drank with this semester, i think i'm getting good at college
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