i am high, trapped with a bunch of skaters and asians watching a cat on lsd on youtube, the girl on the couch next to me is getting fingered, and there is lady gaga playing. god has forgetten about me
I have 11 glasses of water and one beer on the table infront of me. Have to keep going to different bartends to get more. There are only two though and I think they've caught on
I feel like none of my dresses scream slut the way I'd like them to
You'll be happy to know that I did indeed fracture my rib in a sex related injury
we found her in my closet eating a clove of garlic.
The nurse gave me a funny look when I said I thought I have an std in my throat. Bet she only does it missionary too
Weve literally been going out drinking five days a week. That counts as a full time job right?
I just texted him and asked him to keep some in case I need help sealing the deal.
Girl Scout cookies are like roofies for fat chicks.
No more vodka shots for you. Last night you begged a man on your knees to sell you his beard. He had no beard.
I don't care how sexy you think I look in my scrubs. Wanting a blow job is not a medical emergency.
I'm just going to eat my milkshake, watch teen wolf, masturbate, and lament my inability to form meaningful relations with men who aren't gay
well you don't shave your pubes into a handlebar mustache and keep the party to yourself
Hey, dude, is Kevin still passed out on your porch?
Yeah. I'm gonna go leave a pitcher of bloody mary next to him in case he's still alive.
I apparently got up in the middle of the night after fucking him and started looking for you under piles of his clothing
only I would find a long lost relative through a craigslist casual encounters ad
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