if i'm ever as drunk as the girl in front of me... kill me.
My cousins just decided to make a catapult to spread my Grandpa's cremated remains. I love my family.
Unless you watched your mom's very literal rendition of "I touch myself" while she was wearing a bikini, your vacation wasn't as bad as mine.
She asked how far humans have gone into a volcano because they did in spy kids. She was serious.
please stop referring to my baby as "your little fucker"
woke up rolled in a yoga mat listening to enya. I'm never going back to Oregon ever again.
critical mistake not lubing the nipples
it would be nice to just get drunk, not hook up with anyone, and not die this weekend
A guy with no shirt on and a eyepatch just got out of the car beside me. After he slammed his door into mine. This is our hometown.
FYI, your girlfriend is on her way to the ER. She tried to balance a bottle of jack on her chest. Smashed toes, blood all over patio. Call her, kinda funny though.
I bought him bourbon as a thank you for his apology. What is wrong with me?
I am eating a king sized snickers in the strip club. Good morning.
Casey, if you want the continuing love of our mother, you're gonna need to stop drunk texting her from PCB.
I was sprawled on his bed and heard him and a girl walk in the apartment. I jumped out the window and am walking down main street wrapped in an american flag blanket. Can you pick me up?
I think i just made eye contact with his roommate... while doing reverse cowgirl. Yup i have no shamee
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