every time I hook up with him I think about the fact that penicillin was a mistake too... and look how well that turned out. It makes me feel just a little bit better.
i swear to god her finding her clit was like looking for a sock in a dryer full of beach towels
Is it bad that I stopped wanting to fuck her as soon as I noticed she had dry skin?
I sometimes completely doubt that you're straight.
You basically told your boyfriend at the time you were going to shit in his hands.
And I meant every ounce of it.
I feel awful
Physically or morally
Physically. The only immoral thing I did was steal money from strippers while they gave me lapdances.
I just feel like a girl who's never eaten a pb&j probably doesn't swallow
I had a dream last night where I used the marginal product rule to figure out how much more hangover I got per sip of four loko, econ is taking over my life...
I just added a bunch of arbitrary options to my ouija board. Ghosts can now tell me "cheddar," "the homosexual agenda," "the whole foods vegan aisle," or "viable offspring"
He was wearing running shoes tho. Thats like the cardinal rule. You don't fuck a guy who wears running shoes as regular shoes.
We need to leave a grand offering for the god of free booze and salvia.
Nothing makes me prouder to be liberal and socialist than the idea of desecrating the memory of Ronald Reagan
So you completely disappeared from my memory last night at about my 15th Jager bomb. But only you. No one else.
Got so high i fell asleep kyaking...for 2 hours.
Do you know who changed all my phone contacts into characters from Harry Potter?
He Who Must Not Be Named.
Fuck you.
In honor of Randy Savage we're wearing spandex and handing out slim jim's with option to suplex. Get behind it
Randomize
