I'm about two and a half drinks away from gay.
I'm coming over.
He went through and tagged himself on my crotch in all of my facebook pics
the guy in front of me just bought a pound of bacon, a bouquet, and a case of budlight, i want to see THAT makeup sex
Just threw up my room service breakfast with my fake eyelashes and pearls still on.
When I got up in the middle of the night, puked in his trash can, and snuck out the front door, I pretty sure he knew it was over.
The girls at the police department photocopied my drinking ticket and told me to frame it and hang it on my wall. Then they gave me a free muffin and told me to party smarter next time.
think I signed up for a 5k last night while blackout.
you stole two subs and a drink from jimmy johns and walked out yelling "get at me bitches"
It's midsummers eve. A.k.a. come over so we can get drunk and wear leaf crowns
So... I woke up on a bench with a honey bun on my chest.
Didn't shower and drew a couple dicks on my face before I went to work. Boss sent me home. Sacrificed my dignity for a 3 day weekend with you guys.
I'm 10 cats away from completing my post divorce transformation.
I found a hair colour I want in a porn.
It's not my fault, Tequila turned all my alarms off.
All of a sudden he got that look on his face and ran to the dance floor and started fist pumping to Rihanna that kind of night
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