So I just had this crazy idea, and no it has nothing to do with the fact that they made me take shots at work.
Wow, this guy is harder to get rid of than gum in pubic hair
Cumming on a girls face is guy code for you're not wife material.
I just remember taking her cat for a walk around 3 am then falling asleep in a slide at the park
I'll sleep on the bed... The couch is now designated banging area. Any banging performed outside of that area will be subject to fines of cleaning up stains.
He tried to make an olympic torch by lighting a corona box on top of a pool cleaner.
I just told the toilet I loved it. Bad sign.
I'm gonna keep a minimum of five drink promise to myself
You mean maximum 5?
Everytime I try to keep track of the amount of people I slept with I always forget about that guy I met on the dc metro, where I woke up to him organizing his Special K and Molly and I was covered in sleeping cats.
The porch is breathing.
STAY OUT OF MY SHROOMS YOU CUNT
I woke up at 5am on my couch, naked, with a cereal bowl of water next to me. Apprently, drunk me thought I was a kitten last night. Super impressed I slept next to the bowl all night and didn't spill a drop.
Not only did I sleep with the guy but I think I may have called my work and quit to go work for him.
We've been taking shots, cranking Marilyn Manson, and eating your bacon. Your kid is probably ruined.
I never thought I'd be judging my neighbors sex lives before age 30 but here we are
I think I'm more excited for Santa to come now that I made a drinking game out of it
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