...So a 6 ft tall drag queen in heels I would kill for just told me I have a dunkable ass. I'm confused...but I'll take any compliment I can.
Definitely still drunk while signing the 'responsible adult' form at the hospital
i realized that the internet ruins the joy of a father passing down playboys to his son
Turns out vomit takes off spray tan.
she carries around a jar of peanut butter. "just in case".
explain the broken jalepenos in my underwear drawer?
He waited until after foreplay to tell me that he didn't have a condom and "we" would just have to settle for a bj tonight...
I gave her at least chlamydia. Maybe worse. She is also into chicks and loves taking naked pics. It's like the less I believe in Jesus, the more he rewards me.
Tell me you didn't really piss in the hookah.
I'm pretty sure my liver died in Reno and my intestines are doing hula hoops around my asshole. The bachelor party was that good.
why can't I meet attractive men at the places I like to hang out? like books a million. or the liquor store.
Our DD painted my costume on me for tonight. The strippers have been teaching him how to paint costumes.
Just walked past the field playing Jesus music with a fanny pack full of condoms and beer. Happy Sunday.
I knew you were on something when you said you were a puppy and you ate all the frosty Paws dog ice cream which says not for human consumption right on the side of it.
What's the weirdest place you've ever had sex?
I don't think you're psychologically prepared for this conversation.
Randomize
