i thought he was 22...he said he was 25..he was 19...im 26..it doesnt count if you dont know right?
i love when people i haven't talked to since we fucked write on my wall.
He spent the whole night convincing me I wasn't fat, but after we had sex he said "Oh, I see what you mean"
I stole a road cone for their 13 yr old son. Apparently I told him to put Christmas lights on it, and "treat her like a lady."
I'm sad your dog died... Her name is my stripper name.
I already have one guy that I have regrettable sex with. I don't need another.
Potato salad is not cupcake ingredient
were you high?
When?
Actually just blanket yes to that question
If it was any colder outside, the frost from my breath would make a mixed drink
Ugh. The fucking vaginal recession is so real right now.
Some guys phone started vibrating on the tv. I answered mine. That's how high I am.
It wasn't until I lost my earring that I realized "I've been here before". Turns out we fucked a year ago. We've decided to make it a tradition.
Eh, my puke tasted like lemonade, so not too bad
I'm disproportionately drunk. But I also spelled disproportionately right twice so maybe I'm not that drunk
But what is a man profited, if he should gain Joe Biden and lose Alex Trebek?
Randomize
