Yeh xou jao i ama wa7tdud !!
Oh my god. its not even twelve thirty and you are useless.
I love hooters. This dumb bartender is saying how coffee dehydrates you so that's why she sometimes just eats the coffee grinds wake up.
I feel like sober is me a distant relative that I only see on christmas..
Ok a condom literally fell out of my underwear this morning, i have never been so confused.
I'm at the casino and some dude apparently has money in an entire row of slot machines. Its like watching a really intense adult version of wack a mole
so I woke up without pants, but my cardigan was still on and fully buttoned. curious.
If you invite me to a bar tonight my liver will kick you in the testicles
I understand why they say don't drink the water in Mexico... I just saw 5 guys piss upstream of where the bar tender went to get the water
I was more obsessed with the sweat stain on her back that was simultaneously shaped like a vagina and the virgin Mary.
Okay. So I've done lines off a bible. But that's just for the sake of being cliché.
I just spent 3 hours in the back of an unmarked police cruiser. Best. Date. Ever.
Nothing says "single girl" quite like Pinot Grigio and canned ravioli at 11:30 pm....
anyways, do you want to make more embarrassing memories that im bound to remind you about later and laugh about?
All I did today was eat pizza and use my vibrator.
remember that party we went to sophomore year where we found that girl and had the orgy? Im totally at that house right now.
Randomize
