Drank a fosters this weekend and last weekend. Listening to down under 5 times a day. Spent 100 dollars on a sleeveless men at work shirt circa 1983. We don't leave for another 5 weeks. I call it pregaming.
So after this weekend I think I'm gonna go down on one knee and propose to my boyfriend that he give me his liver.
I gave up. I'm crying over my notes. Oh, ya know, just another drunk finals week
I've never been so embarrassed. It's like waking up as Fred Durst.
I want him to rain dance my fallopian tubes.
A girl at the bar is wearing green body paint instead of a shirt. Where are you?!
Promise me, at my funeral, you will re-enact our human sledding incident of 2011....you can use my dead body as said sled.
I think I just got propositioned for sex by the lady behind the counter at dunkin donuts
I remember saying to him "Fun fact! If you lie this way it's easier to deep throat!" I even judge me.
Just got shoved by an Elvis impersonator. Evidently it isn't cool to ask how much of a disappointment they are in the eyes of their parents.
you got to sleep with him and don't even remember it? that's like sleeping through an entire vacation
so go get some goddamn bacon and lay in his bed naked. he'll love it.
My husband gave me a key to his house. I thinks this means we're getting kinda serious.
You -do- realize there are other things to talk about than just how different parts of you smell like pussy, right?
so this hot guy who looks like brad pitt circa troy era in my physics lab is staring at me right now and it's taking all the willpower I have not to procreate with him right now.
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