You know that hot fire fighter I fucked yesterday? Well him and two other guys are killing the fire on my stove. Awkward.
at the topless march for equality..and wow.not all these boobs should be treated equally
Ummm so I just found the baby pumpkin that was on my porch last night in Village Pizza this morning on their counter. The cashier said some drunk girl came in and told him it was a present.
Cuz last time you told me I was going to be shocked about something you got a hand job from a stripper in canada
A white limo full of drunken 30 something business people pulls up next to me and asks if they can kidnap me until 1030. If I don't make it back tonight, call someone and tell them I died gloriously
I sat down next to him and my bra just unhooked itself
I want to own their dicks and all the attachments
I'm still in my ugly sweater and underwear drinking coffee next to a plate of assorted treats we stole from the party. I got a new sweater by the way, its shoulderpad-y and looks like a news anchor got thrown up on by Liberace. I'm pretty proud.
You can't play that off as role play thing. You held my hips and kept yelling "put a baby in me!" That shit ain't cool.
Well the other day she asked me how often I jerk off. So I guess things are getting semi-serious
My sobriety has gotten out of control. I think I need an intervention.
Got myself invited to boss's family dinner party, drank too much, and fucked boss's brother in his parent's house. Just another Wednesday.
Your Vodka Saturday privileges have been reduced to Beer until you go a full month without losing an article of clothing.
so i just met a former male stripper who has a lion king tattoo. new BFF? i think yes
The best part of last night is not remembering half of it
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