If immigrants and dwarves find love, why can't I?
took him home. told him i would rock his world. passed out. a for effort f for follow thru
No, I'm in the bathroom trying to scrub off the 16 tally marks on my wrist so its not so obviously to the world that I puked on a couch last night.
Managed to discreetly puke out of a moving streetcar window, in front of no less than a dozen people. Nobody saw/said anything. I feel like a legit local now.
she has an amazing ass but I need more beers to get past her horse face. It works out perfect becauseI can use her teeth as a bottle opener.
I kept trying to give you water and you kept spitting it back at me. You looked like a camel. People were staring
With the drought our water bill is skyrocketing. No more shower sex, masturbating, or pretending to be under a water fall after smoking a blunt.
That's actually a fantastic idea... The kinky sex dungeon will be vastly improved by the addition of a lightsaber
There is a hole in her door about 2 inch in diameter. You may see me on YouPorn
At orientation, some girl is asking, loudly, where she can get weed. Everyone looks discussed but are paying very close attention to people's answers.
The spray paint was a bad idea, 'insert penis here' isn't coming off
You tried to impress her by kicking the 5th floor button in the elevator, but you ended up kicking everything from 3 to 11. Then you said, "pretty accurate, huh ladies?"
I'm sending you the three minute video I jus took,....it's of me eating a pear up close
I feel like the universe head butted me in my balls. That hungover.
.... My lady balls. Cuz I'm a lady.
Is it sad that the most attractive guy I've come across in a week that's not my professor is the man doing my pedicure?
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