You are still hot in my book. I wanna dry hump u like a 9th grader then hump for real when the herpes is gone.
My underwear smells like fireworks.
The streak lives on, still havent been to Towson without throwing up
Completly hung over at midnight, I knew there was a downside to drinking at 2pm
And then you gave the bride a high five and said "Go forth and Consummate."
Yeah, the furnace guy just pulled out 4 empty and 1 full beer bottle from the vent. You are no longer allowed over.
You grabbed her hand and started jacking her finger off. She was horrified.
Did it finish?
He came in 20 minutes late for his final wearing plastic bags on his feet, and a tablecloth cape. Explain.
I really have a thing for Greek chicks; I feel like while we are having sex she has the ability to make hummus which is just too appealing for me to pass up.
I am literally drinking 7 day old water and looking for snacks in my room so I won't have to go in the hall and see roommate, because we accidentally banged last night. Please bring over some chicken and plan b.
It's time to run my sex life like a basketball team. Got the lesson Clint!
Are there rules against fucking your ex's dealer?
If you think I'm not petty enough to drive to your house at 3 in the goddamn morning just to punch you, you underestimate me.
he's such a nice guy...he deserves a bigger dick.
He’s older
Like “has a job and pays his bills” older or “still watches porn on DVD because he can’t figure out the Internet” older?
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