Would you let Jessica Biel poop in front of you to see her naked...but you have to wipe her too?
My new excuse for sleeping with him was in celebration of his cat's birthday.
In Denver there are more bars per capita than any other city also the healthiest city. That means lots of drunk girls and no fatties.
I don't know who he was, where he came from, or where he went, but he just handed me a bowl of mac and cheese and left. It was good too.
drunk doesnt even begin to explain it. he said he was going to get playing cards from the lobby and came back 20 minutes later with a full set of sheets.
he turned down sex AND sandwiches. who the hell does that?!
I'm riding shot gun after Shawn took a dump in a happy meal box because we were making record time.
You just sat there and yelled "I JUST WANT TO RUB MY NIPPLES"
I told him I'd go cook him breakfast, but ended up passing out on the kitchen floor in the fetal position spooning the dog
You showed me your butthole that's like a mating call in other species
I've never been so drunk at home. I just sat on the toilet playing with toilet paper for ten minutes, I almost made a paper crane.
Dude come over...were drunk and I'm holding a T-shirt gun and discovered beer cans are the same size as rolled shirts.
Totally writing my paper on the toilet. Makes me miss you.
I love how when he said ecstasy pills both of our heads whipped around like a couple of horned owls.
According to my bank account I spent a penny some where
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