I understand how i shit in my shoes, but explain why you were wearing them.
Yep Great. Apparently I didn't just say things once that night. Drink. Yell. Repeat.
U also mentioned u werent wearing any underwear hahahaha
I just put anything in between my legs and hope for the best.
Their car went through the first bag of wine on the drive up...clearly 6 bags was not enough.
The bouncer yelled at him for poking at the guy selling roses, I think it's time to leave.
The Russian stripper asked if I like foreign girls. I told her I absolutely fucking hate accents. Most awkward 7 minutes ever
Looks like breakfast in bed is out the window. She can't get up because I "fucked her into paralysis." My stomach is not happy with my dick right now
The guy next to me in the library just got a call from his roommate asking him to come bail him out of jail...we need to step up our game.
I was thinking that, but I'm not sure the proper etiquette on asking about someone's nipple rings. Even if you did see them and compliment them once.
Oh, also as a concerning side note, my bra had drops of blood on it. So I don't know what the deal was, but someone I was around was definitely bleeding a decent amount.
Well I can cross 'get my dick slathered in coconut oil while watching the bob's burgers porn parody' off my bucket list.
I will find, mount, and marry that person.
It's just really funny to hear them talk about March for Life when literally every single one of those girls has had an abortion
Well when you come back we can have a huge bitch fit...or get really drunk....whichever comes first
The cop asked me why my pants were around my knees when he woke me from the sink, i replied "Officer, my underwear is still on, nothing bad happened" then he nodded in acknowledgement and we carried on with the paper work.
Randomize
