he told me i looked like an animal then proceeded to kiss me
how do chicks with those acryllic nails wipe their anuses?
Best news ive heard all week. The cougars r coming! The cougars are coming!
Well, what part of "I've heard she has crabs" didn't you take into consideration?
I think it's a friendship ring and the other part is on his cats collar
i love him because he let me keep my UGGS on while we had sex
My ex was there, the 2 girls I'm seeing showed up and I had a pocket full of VIP passes 2 the strip club. Had all the makings of an epic night but I fell asleep at the bar.
On a completely unrelated note I think I have carpal tunnel
Again, totally unrelated
We're super invested in me shitting to my full potential
He literally said I should watch game of thrones while I was blowing him like is this the conversation you want to be having right now
Took my plan b at Costco today, sample Sunday for the win.
It was a recodring of you having sex ! It was like an ape and a dying mongoose at a buffet Xoxoxo
He sang a ten minute song about me sitting on his face and eating quesadillas. Pretty sure I have to marry him.
All the doctor said was why
Is it sad that the most attractive guy I've come across in a week that's not my professor is the man doing my pedicure?
Randomize
