That level of neurosis does not find love outside of Grey's Anatomy.
We're at that point in our relationship where sweatpants sex has become acceptable...
You know you're a whore when you color code your calendar with who you slept with on what day incase you have ANOTHER pregnancy scare
You were pouring Patron into the window of the squad car trying to get the police dog to drink it
So thats why that cop beat my ass?
Probably
Well he walked in last night, yelled at me for not playing any music and started dancing.
I still feel like a bad person. A shoulder to cry on became a dick to suck.
Sailor Jerry came over for the evening. It was a magical evening. I didn't even get puke in the house.
How the hell does my fucking boss know about the goddamned magician I fucked?!?
Binging muscle relaxers because when ur 33 you can no longer SHAKE IT LIKE A POLAROID PICTURE for 2hrs w/o consequences. Fuck you, Age.
I think pants incapable of making pants work
idk i just feel really unsatisfied. like something's missing from my life... maybe it's chicken nuggets...
I'll give you a blowjob in a Santa hat if it will put you in the Christmas spirit
Yeah I don't think your wife thinks it's a good thing that you're fucking your cousin.
I'm glad I didn't see Grandma stumbling drunk and peeing herself...it would be like seeing my future.
Let me call you later. I’m lining up some office dick now that working at home is ending
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