I just crawled out of a second story window using a sheet and his clothes for a rope so he wouldn't wake up.
I am so glad I watched Macgyver as a kid.
There is still throw up in my sink from before break. God I missed this place
It could have went better. They kicked us out of the casino and I drunkenly whipped her across the face with a fishing pole. Long story.
Let me start this apology by saying I'm sorry that I bit your penis.
He tried to cuddle with me after we hooked up and i just looked at him and said why are you still here?
Oh, and trying to figure out who wants to do Molly in a frat is like asking damn children if they want puppies and candy. So just bring as much as possible.
I can't wait for paintbang. I'm going to throw a marker at a child. There will be bail money in my backpack in m trunk. Don't use it on beer.
I couldn't find my shirt this morning so I stole one from his eight year old sister. Slutted up my outfit quite a bit.
I want to see boobs tonight. Like, real ones. Your ones.
I'm romantic.
I'm going to miss hockey season. It was the best excuse to get drunk on a Tuesday night.
As pissed as she was, you would've thought I was trying to get back into his pants instead of his booze collection.
Every day I wake up and there is no spectacular morning wood waiting for me I get so sad.
We just FaceTimed and I put an Oreo in my vagina for him. Now he has to fly across the globe for me.
Are you hungover?
No. I'm hiding under my covers and hoping it doesn't find me.
Just find a separated / divorcing man. They’re too upset to fall in love, too helpless to be alone and too horny to think straight. Smile at him the right way and he’ll be thrilled to be with a sexy younger woman!
Randomize
