Blackout barefoot maybe pregnant
Good decisions....
Just got blue box Mac and cheese things are looking up
he was actually really polite. he asked before he came on my chest because he "wasn't sure my stance on it".
I seem to remember you being very disappointed that drinking Michelob Ultra didn't give you magic powers.
im just gonna lie here and collect money in this whoppers bag while sprawled out on this bench and explain that its to buy weed for my hangover
The best way to start drinking is as early as possible. eg, this bar isn't open but we're patiently waiting outside. That way you're confident and exciting when the talent arrives. Or too drunk to care.
Too bad you can't keep me under your desk. You'd love that wouldn't you? Massages, blowjobs, and I'd be forced to be quiet all day.
thanks for the 52 voicemails of you and crystal reciting the pleg of allegance
It wasn't good. I can tell by the way he fucks me he watched too much porn
trying to figure out what happened last night by looking around the apartment.
naked man under the piano. THE PLOT THICKENS.
We're Scorpios. We're like dogs rolling in whatever smells good to us.
Stop your judging. I got free booze AND an oil change. You're the one whose always saying we're spending too much money.
i got home safe but then alex started a fire so now we're at the hospital
Can you bring me some underwear? I feel uncomfortable going underwear less at a Remembrance Day ceremony.
Scary. I hope people take me seriously. Maybe I should black out less to be sure
Boys winking, cowboys tipping their hats, old people looking disappointed.... ah, I had forgotten the unholy powers of exposed cleavage!
You are my hero.
Randomize
