I just tipped a bartender in xanax.
she is using a fork to eat popcorn and refuses to drink gatorade out of anything but a margarita glass... did i mention the popcorn is on a plate?
I went outside for a smoke at 4 and things seemed normal. It's 6 now and the front lawn is COVERED in tortilla chips. WTF?
Everything that you guys said happened came back to me. like a tidal wave of regret.
Help. All alone. Room is. Changing colors. Dance party 2010, but without dancing.
Apparently I was pointing at birds and yelling "YOU USED TO BE A DINOSAUR!!!"
i have at this current moment imbibed enough alcohol to float immerse or otherwise submerge a goat of respectable size. tequila
You come home the day the world is supposed to end. Well played Mayans.
I'm pretty sure you and I ate the entire Keebler elf weed workshop
I kinda took a step back after our "surprise bottles night"
I managed to get through my meeting without throwing up in someone else's office, so there's that for an accomplishment today.
It's 3 am and I'm buying cat food and batteries for my vibrator. Good thing I shaved my legs for this.
I just remember banging him and then at some point I went and took a shower and went and laid in the closet
well I ran around the park drunk with a plastic baby and fell, all while screaming "I WILL PROTECT YOU CARLOS", yeah there's video
He doesn't understand the concept of a strip club. He keeps falling in love
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