I'm gonna cuddle the shit out of you tomorrow
dude wtf did we explode in my microwave last night?
idk but i think it had a face
i have nine cents in my fucking bank account... not even a dime
The worst part of it is that he's not the first man I've fucked with 2+ chihuahua's.
It's like all my brain cells are screaming at me.
I'm dying.
So the guy who is making our IDs is in jail now for attempted murder, with no bail...
So no fakes?
In either case, seeing now as it's basically two couples, unless we're planning to have a good old fashion orgy I think this isn't going to work out so well.
Girl. There is the cutest old gay here. He's approximately 100 years old and kind as shit.
I'm hoping you were seen by someone holding a frozen turkey at 230 in the morning
Had dinner with a married woman but didn't have sex with her. Tweeted at Mike Pence to apologize anyway.
I AM DRUNK AND AGGRESSIVE ABOUT CURLING!
The US is in the finals, aren't they.
For future reference: bathtub full of cheeseburgers = win.
I'm drunk and don't know where I am. There's a giant metal penguin if that helps.
I can't be held responsible for what I do for you after a blowjob like that.
Well, we went shopping. He bought me starbucks and ate me out in the change room at target. If that isnt the best post covid first date, I don't know what is
Randomize
