I just remembered I gave a homeless man a ride to his bridge last night.
just came on the shower curtain. sorry housekeeping.
two fat guys on crotch rockets just invited me to 'party' with them at a del taco. why does this keep happening to me?
Dude my triple a card is good for bail. This is like a real live get out of jail free card
Srsly this has gone to far. Just broke my nose on the toilet. College bars.
I feel like the way dolphins mate would be the approach that a guy would have to use in order for you to sleep with them
I've got the dick your vagina needs, but not the one it deserves right now.
i hate going to her parties because i always know everyone there which means everyone knows my ex which means i wont get laid
I peed sitting down because I knew standing was a lost cause
VOOOODKA VOOODKA WE PLEDGE OUR LOVE TO THEEEE VODKAAAA VODKAAAA SAVIOR OF LIBERTYYYY
I literally stopped banging her when my ESPN app alerted me that the Spurs had won. That's how much I hate Lebron. I would rather watch him cry in the post game interviews than get it in
She invited us over for cocaine and donuts
She has the best kind of daddy issues
I feel like any time there's that much rope, lingerie, and horse masks on the ground, it's safe to say it was a great night
Why do I always have at least 8 men with whom I am conducting some sort of poorly planned love experiment?
Randomize
