its amazing how hard it is to tell vomit from stuffing the day after
Why do guys in porn never have boxers on?
better question: why do you always text me when you're watching porn
Ever had blood in your semen? I am guessing that's a problem.
she went to her friend's wedding and caught the bouquet. as the unwilling rebound, can i run away now?
You'd be surprised at how many crooked penises are out there
How is it that you get into at least one taco related fight a year?
woke up wearing a canadian flag with the starting forward of the hockey team. i feel oddly patriotic
I don't want anything to do with the Darth Vader stripper babe. I'm just trying to make dreams come true.
Im about to smoke a huge bowl. My penis is so happy. Who needs girls.
im in the library and there's this guy on a computer just staring at a google image of beer. finals week is rough.
The second time he came it projectile shot in my ear
We were in a spooning position and it shot all the way up. He was like sorry. Physics.
Dude, you flipped off a cat from my balcony and yelled at it to get a house
Don't trim your pubes if you've been drinking. I can't believe I have to tell you more than once.
While I was giving him head he told me he had to go door to door the next day and "spread the word of Jesus Christ" I felt like a Disney villain out to steal his virtue.
Accidentally mixed my gin with cold brew coffee instead of cranberry juice. It’s bad. But I’ll finish it. Never leave a fallen soldier.
Randomize
