He like poked it twice with the tip of his tongue then left it alone. I'm sad.
friends don't let friends hook up with gingers.
i woke up today to a handjob from this really fat girl that keeps calling me michael phelps
someone put bongwater in my humidifier again THIS NEEDS TO STOP
drinking out of a sandbucket again
well at that point we were just fucking to keep warm.
What happened to "I wouldnt even touch her with a ten foot pole"?
Her vagina devoured it.
You never cared about felonies while buying me alcohol from the little Asian woman across the street
So mom called me from the hospital laughing her ass off. Apparently my sister is allergic to cocaine...
A cute girl just told me she forgot to take her birth control and winked... I've never been so conflicted about fleeing in terror
i want to have his babies. i NEED to. shit i wont even ask for child support, he's that goodlooking.
Got a high five from a Superman stripper tonight
You know it was a good night when visa fraud prevention services are calling
If one more dude who finds out I'm a cop asks to see me in uniform I'm gonna become asexual
I'm intrigued by how his mouth tasted the same as his dick.
Randomize
