That's when you crack a 10am beer
you made a powerpoint titled 'things i've drank tonight' and emailed it to me.
Dude apparently i ran into the middle of a half marathon last night and some how won
Home remedy for the herp. Black tea. I need to strap teabags to my wang.
She fell down the stairs and hit her head on the concrete. Then she stood up, flashed us and stumbled away. I forgot to get her number..
Also, at 1:30 I emailed myself saying, "are you there Margaret? It's me, god"
I texted him that I wanted to be more than fuck buddies so when I came over he gave me a punch card. He takes me I dinner every 10 fucks.
So I thought the party was crazy before his pinky came off...
She apologized again the next day. I said it was pee under the bridge
I haven't even had my coffee yet and you're being slutastic
He threw up on my head while I was blowing him, and then I started barfing, and the kitchen floor was a mess. Believe me, he will never, ever live this down.
We need to stop going on dates to the strip club.
I was eating leftover taco bell in bed at 3 in the afternoon. I can't throw any stones
I just wanted a bootycall and now somehow I'm at his parents playing dominoes. But they have tequila so it's cool
What happened last night?
Lets just say you asked me a couple times if you had eyeballs..
Randomize
