Im doing kagels to the beat of Christmas music... "Jingle Bells" is hard. Try it.
she read insantiy as in-nast-tit-ty and asked what the hell does that mean...
Doing blow at 6am to "wake myself up for clinicals" was a baaaaad idea
I've been alternating between telling people I was mauled by a bear or hit by a car to explain the massive unexplainable bruise on my leg. Slightly more worried now that the car idea is believable.
College is the ONLY place where you can pass off morning sickness as being hungover. I'm currently pouring beer in a spray bottle so I can spray it on myself and smell drunk.
If you spent as much time trying to get laid as you do masturbating you would surpass all of us.
His best friend's cat died so we had a drunken burial ceremony on the side of his condo at 2am and I'm pretty sure if anyone gets ahold of the video feed from Martini Monday we're all fired.
Well, I tried to shit into my refrigerator. It was a rough night.
I'm about to punish you for sending me a Snapchat of your boyfriend's morning wood
He left his boxers here. Can I keep them and make a shrine or would that be creepy?
That awful moment when there is no more beer and you find yourself considering tequila and aloe juice.
I'm resourceful. I forgot we don't have coca cola so now I'm drinking Jack & Dew or Mountain Daniels. Also, I haven't decided on an official name yet for this drink. I'm leaning toward Jack & Dew
His face matches his life choices. Both are train wrecks.
It's 6am and I had to explain to the gas station attendant why I didn't have shoes on and I'm covered in maple syrup.
The hangover struggle is to real, just passed the drive thru window. Twice.
Randomize
